April, 2025 - KINETIC MOTIONS

April 29, 2025April 29, 2025

Practically Perfect in Every Way is not the Proper Path to Pursue

Perfect. Perfection. Flawless. Faultless. Absolute. Just right. There are so many ways to describe this term. I typed some prompts into my favourite GenAI tool, Claude, and here is some of what it described to me:

“A state of absolute or ideal condition where nothing can be improved upon.” If I pushed and offered some examples of context, I got everything from without flaws, like a perfect diamond, precisely accurate, like a perfect score, or something that is absolute like perfect silence.

But does a perfect solution or perfect technique ever exist? How much in life can really be absolute or flawless?

The concept of perfection has been in my mind a lot lately, and I’m very troubled by it. It represents an ideal that many people strive for, but do they ever achieve it? Is it even possible, or really is it something we think about, imagine, but we can’t get there?

We throw around the term, perfect, too easily. From the day we are born, we hear it spoken. How many newborns are described as perfect? Oh, the grandmother says, when she sees her new grandson for the first time, he’s perfect! How many little girls grow up to look up to a Disney princess or later a pop star, as these women are so often described as perfect?

When we encourage our kids to study for a test or complete an assignment, how often do you tell them (or how often were you ever told as a kid), to set a goal of 80-90%? Maybe you know they can’t achieve 100%, but unconsciously are you programmed to want them to get a perfect grade?

In our professional lives, the word perfect is bandied around all the time. Is there a perfect job you’d love to have? How many times have you tweaked your resume, hoping, that this time it will be perfect? Think about a presentation you have put together, with 10 drafts and hundreds of edits? Did you update it striving for a perfect deck?

Let’s talk about data and databases. It seems like life today is built on millions (okay probably more like billions or trillions) of pieces of data. We want the data to be accurate, right? You want the data to help you find patterns or tell a story. We know the saying, that garbage in means garbage out. That’s the other extreme. But can our data be perfect?

While I believe most of us understand that perfection is an abstract concept that pushes us to achieve a quality result, I know many people close to me – family and friends – whose obsession with achieving perfection means they have trouble realizing their goals and don’t accomplish what they set out to do.

Perfection may be abstract, but the work, or task, or project, that must be completed, is very concrete! The achievement of perfection, in most cases, is also quite subjective. How many times have you been asked, how would you measure success? Or you may be asked, what does success look like to you?

There is no single, absolute answer, and that’s due, in part, because, whether we admit it or not, so many people are striving for perfection. One person may accept that success is a measurable quality result, and the next person may perceive that unless they can achieve something absolute, they have failed.

Take a customer service call centre as an example, where many metrics are tracked, including NPS – net promoter scores. NPS measures a customer’s loyalty. It looks at how likely a customer is to recommend the business. The customer is surveyed with a question, and the response is reported from minus 100 to plus 100. But is a higher score desirable, or does a business really want their agents to achieve 100 as often as can be? Will any NPS survey realize a perfect score, of 100, across the board?

The scores will help guide the business on where it needs to improve or where it should continue doing great work. Realistically, it is not about achieving a perfect score. It’s about a focus on quality, which will lead to successful results.

But, what about the people who are stuck on perfection? From the interactions I have had with people like this, striving for perfection is not isolated. Time is usually abstract to them as well, as they miss or ignore deadlines. They may come across as stubborn or incredibly obstinate, as they feel success is measured by something absolute, and yes, flawless.

How do we work with a person (or report to, or manage) who wants perfection? When it’s a family member, how do we live them? Does it affect a friendship when one person is always seeking the perfect restaurant or activity?

I am not an expert, and clearly, I have more questions than answers. From my personal experience, here are some thoughts when interacting with the person who wants perfection:

Define what success looks like – find a happy medium, that is realistic. If the student thinks that only 100% on the test is what matters, then try to find a lower number (or series of numbers) where there can be reward and make them feel good. Make it measurable.
Structure – if they don’t understand time, then create rules. If your employee is pulling all-nighters, because they want to deliver you the perfect deck, you need to ask them to focus on completing a task, or series of tasks within a specific time frame. Create small, achievable goals, where the person can see how good quality builds on good quality.
Planning – I’ve been guilty of this one many times! If you want to help someone be successful, make a plan. If you want quality, then make a list of what it will take. Build a project plan with key milestones that should be achieved. Follow a recipe if you are baking a cake.
Patience – Take a deep breath. We are not all built the same way. What looks easy to you, may be incredibly hard for your friend. It’s easy for me to write almost anything, and I know what good work looks like. But I’ve worked with many people who spend hours poring over an email or speech, hoping if they make one more edit it will be perfect. Help them. Support them. Remind them they don’t have to be perfect!

Practically perfect in every way comes from the movie, Mary Poppins. Do you remember where she says this? It’s when she is “measuring” each child, and the tape measure shares this statement with her. Maybe she represents the ideal concept, and for sure she helped show the Banks family what a better, quality life is. But, really, is she perfect?

Is anything perfect?

April 17, 2025April 17, 2025

How do we keep our balance? Tradition.

How do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in a word….Tradition

Okay, maybe I’ve seen Fiddler on the Roof a few too many times (it’s a great book, play and movie. Suddenly I’m having flashbacks of playing Tzeitel as a teenager!). But it’s the key word, tradition, that I have been thinking about a lot lately. Maybe it’s the time of year, or maybe it’s the state of the world we live in.

As Tevye says in his opening monologue, “because of our traditions, we’ve kept our balance for many, many years.” Whether it’s a man speaking from his small village at the turn of the 20^th century, or me, living in Toronto in 2025, this statement is accurate. I think we all try to find balance in our lives, and embracing our traditions is important.

There are particular times of the year when many of the world’s religions celebrate holidays around the same time. In 2025, within a few weeks Muslims observed Ramadan, Christians will participate in Easter this coming weekend, and right now it is Passover for Jews. These are more than just religious events where people follow specific rituals. They are all steeped in tradition.

For me, over the past week, as I prepared for, then celebrated Passover, with my family and friends, so many memories flashed before my eyes. These memories gave me comfort, a lot of joy, and yes, even a bit of sadness.

Why do I turn my kitchen upside down? Did I really need to scrub that corner, of that drawer? What was I thinking when I decided to have a Passover set of everything from plates to cutlery to pots and pans? Does schlepping boxes up and down the stairs, over and over, count towards my daily fitness goals?

My Passover Seder table, set by my daughter and her friends this year, was covered in stories of our family and its history. There were papier mâché Seder plates, strangely constructed cups, matzo covers, placemats, something one could call art, plastic animals and more, scattered across the table.

The food was an eclectic mix of old and new. We had everything from my famous “mother-in-law” chicken soup, that my mother-in-law taught me how to make when I got married years ago, to a lemon roast chicken recipe I found using a Google search to sumptuous meatballs, from an Italian recipe! We dipped parsley in salt water, ate bitter herbs (I used endives this year!), and some people made a valiant effort to drink four cups of wine.

We went around the table and read, we hastily flew through some songs as we hungrily approached dinner, and we belted out, with assigned characters and silliness, the final song of the night.

Why did we do this? I can tell you in one word….

Tradition.

Okay, so that’s one very specific example. Holidays bring out some of our closest, and sometimes, craziest traditions. I’m not sure if singing about a goat who was eaten by a cat who was hit by a dog…. Or consuming inordinate amounts of “unleavened” bread helps us keep our balance, but I do believe that the essence of them does.

Whether it’s a tradition associated with a holiday, like Passover, Ramadan or Easter, or anything else in your life, it keeps you centered. It reminds you that there is more to life than getting ready for the big presentation at work, or maybe getting that job promotion.

Most of us lead very busy lives, in our modern and very demanding world. We rush from one task to another. We have welcomed tools like AI or automation to enable us. But our traditions – they make us slow down a bit. They help us reflect on where we came from, the people who have helped us along the way, and the memories of those we miss most.

Some of our best traditions don’t have to be connected to a religion or culture. They may exist amongst friends, family or even colleagues. For example, at a previous job, I built up a tradition with a colleague (who is now a very good friend!) of taking regular walking breaks and specifically circling the garbage cans to get extra steps.

After we had established our walking pattern, we just had to say, “are you ready for a garbage can break,” to know that one of us was stressed and needed the other person to come walking. I could call her right now and mention the garbage can break, and she will smile – and she will join me for a walk.

Maybe it’s a summer camp tradition, or a family vacation, or certain words you use that have a special meaning to specific people (my mother knows what Kogel is and my husband’s extended family will smile when someone mentions a fake-o sunset). Our traditions make us pause and think of the people with whom we are connected.

So, the next time you see a friend from university and sing the song you made up when you studied for that nasty physics final exam, or you are cooking the dish your grandmother taught you years ago, smile. Take a pause. Remember that your traditions have helped bring you balance.

April 7, 2025April 7, 2025

21 Degrees Celsius is Divine

Last Thursday it was 21 degrees Celsius in Toronto. If you live in a warm place, like Miami or Manila, you may be wondering what is so significant about this temperature? Why does 21 degrees Celsius, on April 3^rd, matter? This year, it meant a lot. Read on to find out why.

The weather, where I live, in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, may be the most popular topic of conversation – ahead of even traffic congestion, or gasp, hockey! It determines, whether you pay attention or not, so much of what you can do or how you live your life. It’s ever changing and often unpredictable. Especially in April.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve seen snow falling and accumulating, as the temperature dipped below freezing. Then there’s the freezing rain that turned the snow to slush (and north of the city left a destructive trail of power outages and downed trees). That was followed by the sunny day, at 21 degrees, followed by a huge temperature drop, down to below freezing, up and down again, and what, there’s snow in the forecast tomorrow?

We can make a joke about it, and yes, we can (and do), discuss our up and down roller coaster weather we experience in much of Canada. But I’m still stuck on the 21 degree day last week.

It was Thursday afternoon, around 4:30 pm, when, with my dog, I walked my daughter to her weekly piano lesson. It’s an 8 minute walk from our house, but during the cold and dark winter months it’s usually easier to drive. 21 degrees, blue sky and beautiful sunshine meant we had to walk.

The world had come alive outside my door. Again, if you live in a place that’s always hot, like Bangkok or Phoenix, you may be a bit confused. But let me explain. While we do enjoy some wonderful outdoor winter sports here, we don’t typically lounge on patios or take a leisurely stroll, in shorts, even in early April.

The winter can be harsh, dark and cold. This particular winter had it all, with the usual early darkness, that was followed by many grey days that were frigid and snowy. It can be cozy to stay indoors, but this winter, I found that days of darkness and bad weather really got to me. And I don’t think I’m alone to feel that.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real thing. While some people experience a deep clinical depression and need to seek mental health support, I believe that most of us are generally affected by the decrease in sunlight, coupled with the cold and snow.

I craved sunlight this winter. I desperately wanted the temperature to move up. By March, for sure I had enough of the snow. And I say this as someone who loves winter sports and semi successfully tried a new one this year (yes, I can snowboard now – not well, but I can do it!). A 21-degree day in early April, with a magnificent blue sky and loads of sunlight, was exactly what I needed.

And so did everyone else around me.

As we walked from my house to the piano lesson, I looked around at the people who were also enjoying the outdoors. The first thing I noticed was how many people were out. And the closer I walked towards the major street that we had to cross, the more people we passed.

It was almost like a scene from Pleasantville. Children were zooming around on their bikes, in shorts and t-shirts, dogs were happily smelling the grass (and each other), and adults strolled along the sidewalk, waving hello and stopping to chat.

The light breeze was warm and inviting. It just felt so good. Maybe I experience this every spring, on the first warm day. But somehow this one felt different. I didn’t realize just how much I needed the sun and warmer temperature. I wanted to stay outside and experience every moment.

As the sun went down Thursday evening, the temperature dropped back down to more seasonal levels. By the weekend the temperature hovered at about 0 degrees Celsius, with a constant drizzle. It was…. Depressing. It took all my energy to do anything this weekend. As I looked out my window on Saturday afternoon, my street was empty again and everyone hid indoors.

Would the sun come out again? Would we see another 20-degree day?

Many of us are fortunate in Canada to live a very high quality life. I never take for granted that I live in (while not perfect) a democracy, with decent (again not perfect) healthcare and educational system. My kids can grow up to be anything they want to be. But, it’s also cold and dark here for a good chunk of the year!

I don’t hate the climate I live in, but this winter, wow, it really challenged me. Maybe I’m getting older and crankier. Maybe my life has changed and I’m questioning things that I accepted before. Or maybe it was so dark and so cold this winter that I just had enough!

21 degrees, with brilliant sunshine, was divine. I’m ready for more of that.