Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes….
And….
Leap!
This is the opening verse from one of my favourite musicals, Wicked. I was inspired by the story, the characters, and the music years ago, when I first saw the production, and I have only grown to love it more this year, when I saw the stage production again this spring, and the movie (part 1!) this past weekend.
There are so many themes running through the story, many of which are rather dark and others that are more warm and joyful. One can enjoy the play, or movie, just for the music, dancing and great costumes (which I did!), but one can also use Wicked to think, to reflect, to take action, or as Elphaba sings…. To leap.
The opening verse of the song, Defying Gravity, really affected me when I heard it sung this weekend. I came home and listened to it again, and I even played it on my piano this morning. Even as I typed the words here, they jumped out at me. It was like a higher power was speaking directly to me.
Something has changed within me. I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.
One thing I know about myself is that I speak my mind. It’s not that I question everything people tell me or what people ask of me, but I am not a “yes-woman.” Just because a person in a position of authority tells me to do something, I don’t just do it. Just because someone in a position of power over me thinks they know better, it doesn’t mean I will follow.
I have been criticized for this, and it’s a game I won’t play.
I don’t always know what is best, and maybe being contrary or questioning an order hasn’t always been the best idea. But I stand by who I am and my choice to sometimes be different. If it means I have to be part of a game, with rules designed by a person or people or organization that don’t match with my beliefs, I don’t want to participate.
For many years I thought I wanted to play the game. I perceived there would be rewards and recognition for participation, and that my unique skills and talents would be appreciated. But instead I learned that it was the game that mattered most.
It’s not because of the movie that I chose to not play the game. But thanks to this song, I can feel confident to share that indeed, something has changed within me – something is not the same – I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.
I’m through accepting limits ‘cause someone says they’re so. Some things I cannot change but ‘til I try, I’ll never know.
I don’t like the status quo, and when I see boundaries, I push them. When I look back at my career, or my friendships or even my hobbies and passions, I have never accepted the limits that anyone placed on me.
I won’t live up to what someone else believes is what I can – or should – achieve. I can’t change people, but I don’t have to let them tell me what my limits are. I admit, I’ve allowed that at times, and then I remember who I am and I push back.
If there’s no game, if I can be myself, where there are no limits, that’s even better. I need to remember that I won’t play the game, when it’s presented to me, and I will never accept limits just because someone says they’re so.
My life would be much easier if I didn’t care so much
This line was actually spoken by the Wizard, when he first meets Elphaba in the Emerald City. While I really don’t identify with this character or the weasel he turns out to be, I was still very struck by the words.
Throughout my life, when I have received feedback about schoolwork or a job, people have described me as passionate, or that I care a lot. It’s a fair assessment. But would my life be much easier if I didn’t care so much?
As a parent, I care so much about my children, no matter how hard that is. I still feel a tinge of sadness when my 8-year-old scratches her knee, and my heart sinks when my 14-year-old tells me she’s feeling anxious. My life would not be easier if I didn’t care so much about my kids.
I feel the same about my extended family, and my friends. Caring about them makes my life richer. It offers complexity and challenges that I would never want to change.
So, how about my career, or the jobs I have held? Would my work have been easier, would I have been more successful, could I have accomplished more or been more efficient, if I didn’t care so much?
The answer is: yes.
Would I change who I am, that I care about my employees, my colleagues, clients and everyone who relies on me?
Absolutely not.
I care so much that I know it has hurt me. But I have no regrets. For sure, in recent years, I can think of many examples where it would have been so much easier not to care so much. But I stand by my choices and the people to whom I stayed and will stay loyal.
It’s time to trust my instincts close my eyes and leap
This line in the song, Defying Gravity, is the one that resonates the most with me. I won’t play the game. I won’t accept limits established by another person. I will always care. But what will I do about that?
I need to trust my instincts. I must remember that I know what is best for me and how and where I will succeed. I can’t let someone else determine how far I will go or what I am capable of. I need to trust myself and be confident about that.
But that’s not all. I need to leap. I need to act. Knowledge is one thing. Action is another. My first step is here, at Kinetic Motions. Writing is powerful, and for me it’s incredibly empowering. I’m ready to leap.
Am I going to Defy Gravity? Keeping reading and you will find out
