July, 2024 - KINETIC MOTIONS

July 14, 2024July 14, 2024

Stimulating Conversations from a Summer Road Trip

My family loves road trips. It is perfectly normal, especially in the summer, to drive for 8, 10 or 12 hours in a single day, to travel to a destination. We have visited many parts of Canada, all in our car. During a recent 8-hour drive, from our family country home in Quebec, to Toronto, with my husband and son, I thought about the interesting behaviours of people while in a moving vehicle.

I started to chuckle as I remembered the “party bus” with my office colleagues last summer. You can take a group of mature, often serious adults – put them on a bus – and they turn in to rowdy, and silly, toddlers!

So, what happens to people when they are strapped into a car for hours? Does the mix of people matter? How about the intended destination? Or maybe does the length of the trip make a difference? The weather? The kind of road? Traffic?

I put these questions to the test during the recent drive. I will set the scene:

Starting location: Saint Donat, Quebec
Destination: Toronto, Ontario
In the car: My husband (David), my son (Matthew), our dog (Olie), and me

We left mid-afternoon on a Saturday, with clear skies and high temperatures. If we drove without making a stop, it would be a 7-hour drive. But I knew we’d stop for gas or snacks or to change drivers, so we planned for 8 hours.

With just 3 people and a dog in the car, we had lots of room. No one felt crammed. The roads were clear, and we were all set for an easy drive (which it was).

Fifteen minutes in, I look over and see David is already tired. Really? Our first conversation focused on how a grown man, who knew he’d be driving for hours, chose to not have a good sleep the night before. He just yawned. After a stop at Starbucks – which included a five-minute nap – we were back on the road.

While a group bus experience brings out the toddler in adults, that’s not the case of the car. During a long road trip, one has the opportunity – whether good or bad – to discuss topics at length, some of them to exhaustion. What I learned was that when my husband and son are together for such a trip – without my two young daughters – wow do they ever find a way to beat a topic to death. Here’s some of what they discussed:

Who knows more about Math and Science?

This topic lasted well over an hour. Where do I begin? It amuses me, and it brings David great pride, that our son has a knack for math and science. Matthew just completed grade 11, which included two math courses and physics this past year. David grilled Matthew on whether or not he knew this concept or that. I’d include what those concepts were, but it was clear early on that I not only know less than them but also don’t care. Trigonometry? This or that law of physics? Or, can you explain why such and such plus this or that make sense or don’t? Back and forth the two of them went. I felt like that dumb kid in high school who sat at the back of the class and doodled all day.

What is the most efficient energy source?

This was a very exciting conversation that must have lasted at least half an hour. I believe it began as we passed some field that was covered in solar panels. How efficient is solar power, they asked each other. I learned: not very. So, they just had to know, what’s more efficient? Matthew pulled out his phone as they came up with various ideas, to see their percent efficiency. Hydro? Nuclear? Wind? I don’t even know what they decided was most efficient, as I drifted off into my own thoughts, as the conversation became more boring by the minute.

Is there alien life?

I believe the alien conversation flowed from the energy conversation. You don’t even want to know how that happened. They went back and forth asking each other “tough” questions whether each think there is some kind of intelligent life out there, beyond our solar system or universe. That turned into a deeper conversation about just how big our solar system really is. Their deep thoughts included the idea that we (as in people of Earth) have sent out signals that just may not have reached other intelligent life yet. But what if some society, smarter or more advanced than ours, gets our signal? Will they come and destroy us? That was pleasant.

Was Matthew hungry?

I admit, I participated in any conversation that included food. I like to prepare various snacks for our drives. And the food I bring mainly depends on what my starting point is. Sometimes I bake muffins or cookies, if I start from home. Or I like to cut up vegetables or have fresh fruit on the ready. And then there is the bag of snacks. Chips, chocolate, candy and other easy-to-consume foods. Matthew made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with fruit or vegetables, or any homemade baked goods.

Was there a Tim Hortons at the next exit? Did I throw in enough of those small packets of Brookside chocolate? What variety of chips could he grab from the snack bag? Was David starting to nod off again and needed a square (or ten) of dark chocolate? Did the dog have any water? Does anyone need coffee?

University Applications

Since Matthew just completed grade 11, it means that this fall it’s time for him to formally start to apply to university. Let’s put aside this huge life milestone and just get to the car conversation. Matthew is an ambitious kid with aspirations to enroll in a Sports Management program, preferably at an American University. We’ve done our research and already visited some schools. So what’s to discuss in an 8-hour car ride? So much. Even if much of it is repetitive. What are his top five choices? What schools do we still need to visit this fall? On what date later this summer does he need to sit down and formally start the applications? Did he secure the references he needs from school (yes, he did)?

Politics

In 2024, no 8-hour road trip would be complete without a rousing conversation about politics. I won’t go into the nitty gritty details of what was discussed as it may either send your brain into a tizzy or put you to sleep. Let’s just say that over the last year, my son and husband have come together on where they sit politically. They both like to quote all kinds of pundits, writers or other politicians, to convince me that they’re right. I will say that I don’t always disagree with them, but wow, I’m not that kind of passionate.

We jumped around to many other topics during this particular road trip, some light hearted and amusing and some more serious and sometimes upsetting. The conversations were very rich, and I think I will remember this particular drive quite fondly.

The summer is still young, and my family and I have many hours ahead and highways to conquer. Coming up are more back-and-forth road trips on Highway 401 between Quebec and Ontario, a drive East to pick up our daughters in Halifax, and a new special drive after to Boston and New York.

There will be laughs and for sure there will be tears. There will be memories from road trips of old to share and new ones to write. Aren’t summer road trips great?

July 5, 2024July 5, 2024

A Place Where Time Stands Still

Is there a place in your life, or maybe an experience, that is so clear to you, that the thought of it, or the memory of it, is brilliantly vivid? Did you travel someplace in childhood that’s still a part of you today, or is there a person who was – or is – important to you and has impacted your life?

These questions popped into my head as I was paddle boarding on a beautiful lake deep in the mountains in Quebec. Whether it was this lake, or another, I’ve been traveling to the Laurentian region since I was born. With maybe the odd exception, I have spent time on a lake in this area every summer of my life.

I looked around at the magnificent vista and said to myself, “this is a place where time stands still.” Does it? Or in my mind, have I created a story of what’s around me and hold it so sacred that time seemingly stands still?

Let me explain and give some context. As I write, I’m sitting on the deck of a house that’s been around for 75 years. Back in 1949, my husband’s grandfather purchased land, with a partner, and with very limited funds, started to build a small home on one of the plots. He hand-picked the spot, with 180 degree views of the lake and mountains.

Over the next few years the house was completed, and it was enjoyed across all seasons by the family. As the children married and had children, more people benefitted from this magical place. 75 years later, multiple generations return in the summer, to be together, to suck the goodness.

Whenever I am here, no matter what is happening in my life, or the world outside, I start to feel that this house, actually, this whole region, feels like it’s a place where time stands still. As I start to really think about it, I have always felt this way around here.

My extended family also had homes in other parts of the region, which is why I was fortunate to spend parts of the summer or winter around here. As a child, I remember a special smell that always hit me when I arrived at my grandparents’ country house in the little village of St. Adolphe. I associated it with wonderful memories (I only realized later, as an adult, that the smell was really just mustiness or mold, which would have been solved with a dehumidifier!).

Maybe it’s a certain kind of design, or decoration, that I see across the homes in this area. Or maybe the décor hasn’t changed in the 75 years some of these homes have existed. I often jest that my husband’s family home is a perfectly preserved retro home from 1952! To paraphrase from a family friend who wrote an article on the home in the National Post 15 years ago – when the home turned 60 – from a dark and cramped kitchen come gourmet meals – well, besides the new shiny fridge – the original kitchen is still there.

The floors creak, the mattresses are lumpy, and unless I turn on the dehumidifier, it’s musty…. I’ll just say it – it’s not exactly the most comfortable home. And yet, and yet, I don’t think anyone would want it any other way. Time stands still here, in our little bubble.

This is a concrete example where time stands still. But what about memories or experiences that have been placed in a vault in your head? Could it be that cute hotel by the beach you stayed at 30 years ago, and in your head – even if a city has grown up around it and it’s commercialized, it’s still a tiny shack by the water? Maybe it’s the elementary school you went to until grade 4. The chairs in the classroom still seem big in your head, and wow, the teachers were tall. The slide in the playground is long and scary, and it was so many steps to get to the second floor of the building!

Time can’t really stand still. But I love that I have a place – both in my head – and in real life – that when I’m here, I look around – and I swear, I feel like nothing has changed. And that brings me comfort. My children grow up. My jobs have changed, or my career has gone in a new direction. Politics and wars have overtaken our lives, and families have moved around the world. The people who built some of these homes, 75 years ago, are physically gone. But they are here with us every day.

When our family sold my grandparents’ country home, we took my grandfather’s canoe and moved it my husband’s home nearby. We now call this canoe, the Zaidy Lou, in honour of my grandfather. Every time I see this canoe, I half expect my grandfather to appear, asking me to join him on the lake.

When someone bites into a peach, I immediately conjure the memory of when my husband’s grandmother taught me how to pick a basket of peaches at the local Provigo grocery store in the village. I remember she said to me, “Alicia, they sell the peaches by the basket. Make sure you pick the best ones, even if you have to move peaches between baskets. And when you think the basket is full, put one extra peach on top!”

These memories, of my grandfather canoeing down his lake, or my grandmother-in-law teaching me how to buy peaches, or so clear in my head. They are a moment in time that are still very alive today.

Where does time stand still for you? Is there a place, a moment, or a person? I would love to hear your story.

July 1, 2024

Be Kind

At the start of every summer, I am fortunate to escape the city and head to our family country retreat in Quebec. I’ve written about this special place many times. We were thrilled to get in the car this weekend and make the multi-hour drive from our home in Toronto. We encountered heavy traffic and on-and-off rain, and in between the skies cleared and we flew past towns and small communities across Southern Ontario.

Suddenly, during one of the periods of rain, the driver’s side windshield wiper flew off the car. At over 100 km per hour, it disappeared fast, off to the side of the road. Luckily it didn’t hit another car or anything else. It was just gone. The rain was coming down, and it was hard to see.

There was a town not far away, so we got off the highway and headed to a larger gas station. Could we find a replacement wiper? Maybe just move the passenger side wiper over? My husband parked at the corner of the gas station and considered our options. He looked at the wipers.

A man walked over, who clearly lived in the town, and politely asked if we needed any help. He held a fresh bottle of Pepsi in his hand, and he was headed back to his pickup truck. My husband hesitated, then explained what happened. The man paused, then he quickly jumped in to help. He grabbed a tape measure from his car and advised us on the exact wiper we needed -which he knew was sold at that gas station.

My husband went in to the station’s store, bought the wiper, and the man waited to make sure we were okay. He even offered to help put the new wiper on. His tone was gentle yet confident. He exuded warmth. Quite simply: he was kind.

Why did something so simple as this affect me so much? What did this man do that was so special? On the surface, it was nothing really. It was a rainy early summer afternoon, and it was easy to offer help. It was only moments of his day, and he then he moved on. He was a stranger, and he didn’t have to help us. He wasn’t obligated.

And yet he did. It made me think about kindness and how there just isn’t enough of it in our world today. I often feel that the world has been overtaken by hatred and anger. Instead of offering a helping hand, people offer negativity and vitriol. Instead of helping you succeed, they go out of their way to ensure you fail.

I don’t just read about this in the news or hear anecdotes. I experience this in my own life. I brace myself every day in case I have to face any barriers – from a fellow driver cutting me off in traffic to someone who shuts the elevator door instead of pressing the open button. It’s witnessing protestors shutting down a street or screaming hateful words instead of keeping an open mind and considering having a dialogue. Or it can be a workplace culture that, on the surface, exudes warmth but instead instills fear in its employees.

Being kind is not always necessarily the only option. I’m not naïve. But it’s rarely a starting point anymore or even a consideration. I tell my children every day how important it is to be a good person – to care for others, respect people around them, and yes, to be kind. If it’s the one thing they learn from me, then I would consider myself to be a good parent.

Am I fooling myself that this is possible anymore?

So, here is my ask, if you are reading this. Let’s all make an effort to be kind. Some examples:

Say please when you want something.
Then say thank you.
Say excuse me if you want to get past someone or if you accidentally shove them.
Don’t cut people off in traffic. Go a step further, and slow down to let a car in.
Hold the elevator door open for the person running towards you, even if you’re in a rush.
If you are in a leadership position, help your subordinates. Raise them up – don’t bring them down.
Buy your colleague a coffee.
Offer to help carry that giant stroller down the stairs when you see the parent struggling.
Even if you disagree, keep an open mind and listen to a different perspective.
Take your child paddle boarding (added this one for fun – I just did that today!).

I could go on and on, for pages, hours, or days. It has become harder than ever to be kind. It seems easier to dismiss someone, or their idea, or to ignore them outright. People skip any niceties and go directly to cruelty.

But not everyone. A stranger stopped to help us. He smiled, and he waved. He stopped whatever it was that he was doing, just to be kind. I think we are all capable of this. If we only gave it a try.