What If all we had was What If?

what if

What if. These are two words we say all the time. We use these two words for both positive and negative outcomes, for creative expression or terrible consequences. They can be connected with changing our future or going over the past. What if. It makes me think.

Our car got into a minor fender bender last week. No one was hurt, well except our car and the other guy’s. I immediately asked myself, what if we had left home a few minutes earlier? What if I had decided to keep the baby home that day and not bring her to daycare? What if my husband understood that looking in his blind spot when changing lanes was a good idea?

My son, in a moment of 11-year-old rage directed at his father, broke our bathroom sink faucet last night. The faucet probably was on its way out, but brute force definitely sent it over the edge. Again, I said to myself – what if I hadn’t told my son to take a shower at that moment? What if my husband didn’t snap at his son? What if my son just took out his rage on us by yelling and not acting?

Those are two small examples where I asked that two-word question over and over, but every day it crosses my mind. Sometimes it’s something minor, almost petty. What if I left my house just five minutes earlier, then I wouldn’t be stuck behind this garbage truck? Or what if I put my umbrella in my purse this morning and didn’t get soaked on my way home from work? What if I had turned left instead of right and not snagged that great parking spot?

It goes on and on, and for the most part the outcome is not that significant. Leaving a few minutes early or changing my mind does not affect my life too much other than maybe add some stress or bring a smile to my face.

But there are other what if questions I ask myself that are much bigger and most definitely have turned my life in one direction or another. I guess you could say that for almost everything we do, if we had not the acted, sometimes at that exact moment, our lives would be markedly different.

Back in 1999 my husband and I lived in Israel for about 6 months, early in our marriage. I applied for a number of Masters of Journalism programs across the US and chose a top-rated program in broadcasting at New York University. We moved to New York, where David worked and I went to school. What if I didn’t go back to school and we stayed in Israel? And what if I chose American University in Washington DC instead? What if we stayed in New York after I finished school instead of moving back to Toronto?

Did I make the right choice for my career path, years ago or more recently? Is Toronto the right city for me to live in and raise my family? What if we chose a different neighbourhood to live in or a different school or camp for our children? What if I didn’t give David a second chance, back in 1995, when I first met him (when he was drunk) at a “Beer Bash?”

If all I did was ask what if all day every day I would never be able to make a decision or live my life. And lately, I will admit, I have been asking that question too often. I have been questioning my choices and my decisions, and it often leaves me frozen on the spot. At times I have been overwhelmed, but thanks to some wonderful family, friends and colleagues, I am pushing through.

I need to turn what if into something positive and a vehicle to drive me to action. What if I contacted some old friends or work colleagues to just catch up and get some inspiration? What if I signed up for that spin or yoga class? Or what if I invest more energy (dare I say also money?!) in my beloved blog, Kinetic Motions, and see where it takes me? What if I focus on all the positive in my life and not all the tasks and stress that bog me down?

Writing this post helps me turn my attention from questioning past actions and choices to focusing on what is next and the great things I can do with my future. If you read all the way to the bottom, thank you, kind readers. Your support is much appreciated.

Is Everything in Life a Competition?

competition

Every weekend, during the winter at least, my gang of five drives up to our family country home in the Blue Mountains. It’s about a two-hour drive, which gives us ample time to engage in a wide variety of conversations. Some topics are mundane while others are too crazy to write about. The most interesting conversations happen between my husband, David, and our son, Matthew. The topic in the car for some of the drive Friday night: is everything in life a competition?

While David and Matthew did not dive too deep into this topic (they do get easily side-tracked and somehow often move over to discussions about war), it did get me thinking that competition really is a central piece of every part of our lives.

Think about how life begins. Millions of microscopic sperm swim around, moving as fast they can, competing to find and fertilize an egg. The one sperm that wins the competition and fertilizes the egg creates a new life. The millions of other sperm just disintegrate into nothing. In some ways, we begin life by winning our biggest competition – to create that life.

Once a baby is born, while he or she may not know it, the competition continues. If the baby has siblings, there is a competition for attention from the parents. The competitive nature of a human baby is quite limited, but what about animals in nature? Early on in life so many animals have to compete with the others to simply survive – to eat and sleep in a safe place.

As babies grow into children they learn the art of formal competition – how to win in an individual or team sport or beat an opponent at a game of cards or a board game. A driven student competes against his or her friends to achieve the highest grade on a test. There may be fierce competition to be accepted into the right high school and eventually the university of choice.

The older we get, the more competitions we must face. It may begin with a friendly wager between two friends about who can get the higher grade or be the first to snag a date to the prom, but as we grow up it gets more serious.

Who receives a scholarship or is accepted to one of the few spots available in an elite graduate school program? Does the girl pick you or the better-looking guy in the corner? Who will be the first person in your group of friends to get married?

When we enter the job market, either as a teenager looking for a part-time job or fresh out of high school, college or university seeking a full-time position, the real competition begins. We want to show off our best skills and be noticed. We need to convince a person or group of people to think, yes, she is the best choice. I want to hire her. The pool of applicants for one job can be enormous, and sometimes hundreds of people can be in competition for one position.

Once we have secured that great job, the competition does not end. We must compete to be noticed and work hard every day to move up in the world. And just when we think we have it all, it can come crumbling down. We may be forced to begin the competition again to find the next job. I know that I must never let my guard down and the next competition may be around the corner.

I believe that few things in life are just handed to us. It’s not just about hard work – it’s about the ability to compete and to try to be successful. How often do you hear about someone who “battled cancer” or “fought off an injury?” We compete with each other and sometimes even life itself.

And just because we don’t win every competition does not mean we are not successful. I understand that at the very beginning only one sperm can be successful to win the competition. But a baby will always get tons of attention from close family. 90% may not be the highest grade on the test but it’s still a good mark. We may not get an acceptance letter from our first choice for university but hard will work will bring us many other offers for an opportunity at an institution of higher education. It may take a while to find the perfect job, but with some patience and persistence we will get on the right career path. Competition is a part of life. And that’s okay.

Life can be Beautiful

Beautiful

It begins with Carole King sitting in front of a grand piano speaking to the audience. She tells us that life doesn’t always go the way we plan. It’s what we do with where life takes us that can make it so beautiful. Then she sings So far away.

Last night at the theatre I felt like Carole King, played so eloquently by Chilina Kennedy, was speaking directly to me. Besides the fact that this play, Beautiful, was one of the best I have seen in a long time, with great music and a strong story, it got me thinking about the path I have taken in my own life.

Young Carol Klein was a brilliant and talented young woman who convinced a record producer to buy her song, at age 16. She was on a career path to become a teacher but instead became a composer, a lyricist, a singer and ultimately one of the greatest female artists of the past 50 years.

While it was never my dream to join the music industry (I play piano, but not like Carole King!), Beautiful made me think about the dreams I didn’t pursue and the path I have taken in life. Have I followed my dreams, and even if I haven’t, am I happy with where I am and what I have accomplished?

As a teenager I attended a performing arts high school for one year, with a major in dance and a minor in drama. I loved theatre and acting and at the tender age of 14 had aspirations to follow that path. While I participated in dance and drama classes and directed camp and school plays I kept this dream to myself and never pursued this path.

At age 16, the same age that Carole King wrote It Might as Well Rain Until September, I experienced that moment in chemistry class, soon after I created Kinetic Man, which made me want to drop science and become a journalist. I loved to write, but again, I pushed the idea aside.

I guess you could say I considered myself to be a sensible person. Instead of following my instincts to be a member of the arts or media communities, as an actor, a writer, or a journalist, I went to university, on a path to be a doctor. I soon realized that being sensible wasn’t going to work for me, and I am happy I followed my dream to become a journalist.

I will admit that over the past 15 years my career and life path have traveled in various directions and gone off on sometimes unplanned tangents. If I look back at my 14 or 16-year-old self, would I be happy with where I am now?

I’m definitely writing, and this blog is fulfilling a dream I have had for over 10 years. It has taken me years and many jobs to figure out that my true path is writing. Will I write a book, contribute to a publication or see where this blog takes me? Right now, I don’t know. But I do know that no matter what path I follow I will make it beautiful.