Cakes by Mommy

Cakes by Mommy

I would consider myself to be a rather creative person. I have bold ideas, and storytelling is central to who I am. I guess the best way to describe me is that I THINK creatively. I bring my out-of-the-box, put a square peg in a round hole kind of thinking to everything I do in life, from my job to raising my kids. I’m the first to admit that I can’t do it all. But what I can do, well, I have some fun.

This past weekend we celebrated my daughter’s birthday. So, let me begin here by saying that in much of my life I’m not a big planner. I do love to plan family trips, and I have a solid grocery list going each week, but when it comes to family social activities I would give myself a failing grade. However, bring on one of my children’s birthdays, and I show up!

With the global pandemic my birthday parties had to go on hiatus, much to my daughter’s disappointment. But this year, the parties were back. And the planning began. Luckily for me, my husband David seems to wake up as well when our kids’ birthdays come along. He booked the bouncy castle for our backyard and I covered the invites, food and activities. Nothing too crazy. For me, it’s all about my child and her friends. And ya, some fun for me too!

At the centre of every one of my children’s birthdays, since my son turned one years ago, is the homemade birthday cake. Or what I like to call the Cakes by Mommy. I think about what is of interest to my child at that particular moment, and then I bake and decorate a cake on the theme. Some important notes on my Cakes by Mommy:

  • They are 100% made from scratch in my kitchen.
  • I decorate them all by myself, and no, my cakes don’t look like a professional ever laid eyes on them.
  • Some people may wonder if the child possibly decorated the cake.
  • My Cakes by Mommy taste great!
  • My Cakes by Mommy look like they were made with love.
Cakes by Mommy
The first one I ever made when my son turned 1
Cakes by Mommy
Percy from Thomas the Tank Engine
Cakes by Mommy
Dollhouse
Cakes by Mommy
Butterfly

I’m posting photos of various cakes that I have made throughout this post. Each one is unique, and in each case I had a wonderful time baking and decorating. I will add that I also had a meltdown at some point in the process, because my buttercream icing melted or my layers fell apart or that the cake didn’t look at all like it did in my head hours before.

Cakes by Mommy
Lego Alien Invasion
Cakes by Mommy
Lego blocks
Cakes by Mommy
8 for Eight

What I’m trying to say is that this past weekend, as I cleaned up my backyard, washed many dishes and went to bed exhausted, I realized how much I enjoyed putting together the birthday party, especially planning and making the cake. And for a moment I said to myself, did I miss an opportunity to start my own small business? Should I have changed my career years ago and opened my own business – Cakes by Mommy?

Cakes by Mommy
Basketball
Cakes by Mommy
Boots from Dora the Explorer
Cakes by Mommy
Frozen snow flake

The thought quickly passed when I realized that what I love is making my OWN children’s parties and cakes, and that really, if I created a website that boasted party themes of “all you can bounce in a giant castle” or “tea party for 7-year-old girls” or “reptiles and furry things” that I would have a meltdown every week. I did have a second take on the cake idea though. Most people like to buy their child’s birthday cake. But imagine buying a cake from me and passing it off as your own? I mean really. My cakes really look homemade. You buy the $60 cake from me and tell all your family and friends that you slogged away in the kitchen all night and produced THIS. No one would ever know.

Cakes by Mommy
Frozen Castle

Joking aside, as I moved on from my Cakes by Mommy reverie, I started to think more deeply about the “what if.” I think we all experience it sometimes. No matter how much we like our job, or our career in general, our employer or the people we work with, everyone asks that question, should I be doing something else? Have I followed down the right career path? Is it too late to pivot now?

I think it’s healthy to think about this and explore opportunities, even if they’re crazy like hosting some stranger’s child’s birthday party as a business model. I don’t actually want to start a business doing parties or baking cakes, but I admit I sometimes ask myself if I should have ever left sports media, or is the corporate world the place for me? Is my job taking over my life, or is it, maybe, a great choice that I made and it’s what I should be doing with my life?

It’s kind of crazy that making a Barbie doll ballroom dress birthday cake made me think about the idea of Cakes by Mommy again. The idea for this business was gone as fast as it came into my head, but for sure it left a lasting impression with me. It opened my eyes to what I’m capable of. Even if I’m not the best at something, even if it’s a bit far-fetched to imagine starting my own small business, I do know I can probably do anything. No matter what I do, and what I will continue to do every day at work, is be creative.

Oh, and if anyone does want a homemade Cakes by Mommy, let me know. I promise, it will stay just between us!

Let’s Celebrate a Brilliant Woman Today: Marla Richler

Marla

This post is co-written by three people. I collaborated with my siblings, Neil Richler and Darcie Richler, as we celebrate the most special woman in our lives, our mother, Marla Richler.

Whoever said ‘it’s the journey, not the destination” probably never retired. From what we hear, retirement is quite the destination!  

Today, our amazing mother Marla Richler (AKA Marla Gomberg to her work colleagues) is retiring after nearly 50 years in the social work field. She achieved a Master’s degree from McGill University by the time she was 22 and devoted the first ten years of her career to children in the Montreal school system then to youth at the Ontario Official Guardian’s Office. Marla spent the last 35 years working as a clinical social worker at a GTA hospital and covered everything from the ER, surgery, the ICU, palliative care, rehab, medicine and her true passion of geriatric medicine (and probably a lot more than that). 

Our mother has been on the front line, in the trenches.  She has fearlessly worked with the vulnerable, the marginalized, the weak, the frail and the very sick.  Her heart has ALWAYS been in the right place and her brain is always set to  “GO GO GO”.   You want something done?  Call Marla. You want it done with high energy and total positivity?  Definitely call her!

Even when we were young, our mom never stopped working.  Our dad had a very demanding and intense career and travelled often.  Somehow, Marla managed to do it all.  Never was she late for carpool, after school activities, dance recitals, etc.  Our food was home cooked with love and she endlessly pushed us all to achieve great things.

And her work. It was her real baby (well except for maybe her dogs!!).  Anyone lucky enough to be supported by our mom knows just how lucky they are.  Over the years our family connected with countless people who Marla had cared for during their time of need.  Patients and their families became beloved people in her life, often regularly following up with her for many years to come.   Our mom TRULY cared about each and every person who was in her charge.  And let us tell you, clinical social work isn’t for the faint of heart. Our mom was a rock, often a shoulder to lean on or cry on, for people during their difficult times.  She advocated and fought for her patients, all the while offering kindness and respect to everyone she encountered.

Over the years, we had the opportunity to get to know many of her colleagues well.  From doctors to nurses, to orderlies and other social workers, we learned that our mom was a true superhero.  Doctors would call her at home to follow up on a patient, knowing that they would be better off calling at night with important information instead of waiting until the next day.  Those who know our mom understand the kind of devotion that she has maintained with her work.

And, let us not forget, her mentorship.  Over the years our mom has mentored and supported too many social workers and students to name.  She LOVED this.  It would take hours of her unpaid time, but she passionately guided and helped the newcomers to the office become the talented professionals that they are today.  In particular, our mom has always been incredibly protective of the young women who have entered the workforce.  Her love for the “younger generation” was endless.  Helping other women find a balance between work and home and everything in between was something she cared about deeply.  To this day, she has colleagues who are in constant need of her support.  She offers it with a complete and open heart.  

If it isn’t obvious enough yet, we are very, very proud of her!  To add, this is the second pandemic that she has worked through.  Her experience with SARS, though very scary, was invaluable on this round.  

As we celebrate our mother and all her incredible achievements,  there is another side to today as well.  Our mother is retiring today because she felt had to. She believed she didn’t have a choice. 

Over the last decade, our mom has felt drained and pushed around by the leadership at the hospital.  As someone who showed up to each work day with her best possible attitude, she felt incredibly depleted by the workplace politics and power trips. One would think that this exhaustion would come from the years of hard work, but in fact, her patients bring her joy, and helping them energizes her.

While we are disappointed that her clinical career, that spanned almost 50 years, is concluding this way, we know it will come as a great relief to our mom to not have so much stress at this point in her life.  

We are sharing this information with our mom’s permission.  She was ok with us doing so because she cares. Maybe someone will read this and see the compassionate place that it is coming from.  So many individuals have retired in recent months and years feeling the same way.  And there are many others who are too scared to speak out.

The workplace that our mother entered in 1985 was clearly ahead of its time, with strong and capable leadership and good people steering the ship.  Colleagues looked after each other and operated in a caring environment that encouraged and supported team work. There was little or no drama and tight bonds were formed that have lasted to today. There was no room for immature behaviour or pettiness.  We are sad to say that it seems that today’s leadership in the current organization has a lot of work to do to maintain a basic level of respect and integrity.  The pandemic threw this observation into technicolour.  It was very clear to us that our level headed and hard working mom did not feel safe working there anymore.  At 70, she was not willing to risk her health to be working in person (factoring in everything currently going on in the world), knowing the potential for danger. Our mom has worked because she wanted to, not because she had to.  Thankfully she was in a position where she could have an easier time making this decision.

Even with that said, today is still a day to celebrate.  A career like this one had a lot more ups than downs.  And yet, our mom still has passion in her.  She is not ready to stop and actually retire. She has decided to set up her own, private practice to support patients and their families who need expertise with aging and later life transitions.  And yes, we will continue to brag about her.

Mom, you truly led by example.  We absorbed so much of your goodness over the years just by watching you in action.  You taught us to open our eyes fully and help when we can.  Your WAZE is always set to the high road, which is probably why you got as far as you did.  

Wishing you a giant mazel tov.  May we all continue to learn from you and be blessed with such long and fulfilling careers.  May others still get to benefit from your great wisdom and compassion for years to come.  May you find the balance between offering that support and doing every single thing that you love.  We are so lucky to have you. 






Why I left Sports Media

My son often asks me why I left Sports Media. In the eyes of a child, the early part of my career was glamourous. I met, and sometimes worked alongside, world famous athletes. I had access to a press pass on occasion, to attend games. Part of my job, both in radio and TV, meant I HAD to watch sports. My son just cannot fathom how I would ever choose to leave that world. But I did. And I don’t regret it.

I also don’t regret the wonderful and unique opportunity that I had to work in the industry. What has stayed with me today aren’t the memories of athletes I met or games I attended. I learned life skills, how to hustle and was lucky to work with some talented people who I consider my friends to this day.

My choice to leave sports media is one that I haven’t really thought about too deeply for a long time. But over the past week, hundreds of great journalists lost their jobs, many of them in sports media. Earlier this evening, in particular, when I saw social media posts from former colleagues, writing of radio stations changing their formats and wiping out their employees, brought a memory back of when I was one of those people, many years ago. It was one of the reasons that eventually led me to leave my job on an assignment desk and follow the career path of a communications professional.

Where it Began

In my final semester of my Master’s Degree in Journalism at New York University I had to choose an internship in media in New York City. I still remember listening carefully to the guidance from my mentor, Professor Michael Ludlum. He was my Radio Broadcasting professor from my first semester, who brought me under his wing and taught me everything I had to know about working in radio. He encouraged me to pursue a different kind of internship, at ABC Sports Radio. It was a small operation, a kind of central intake hub of sports news, and he felt that it would give me skills that I could take anywhere.

Of course Professor Ludlum was right. I learned how to grab quick interviews for the radio format, edit my tape and write copy. And my first big assignment was to represent ABC Sports Radio one night, to collect sound bites, on the field, at the World Series (the Subway Series no less!). At that moment in time I thought sports media, radio in particular, was my future. I knew it was for me.

Where my Early Career was Shaped

When I decided to pursue my career back in Toronto after graduate school, it took me a few months to find that coveted job in sports media. My first “real” job was at the Team 1050 sports radio station. The guys took a chance on me, a young, very inexperienced journalist, but I was eager to learn and grow. My colleagues were genuine, wonderful people who had a love of sports and great talk radio that was infectious. I was excited to go to work every day. I produced everything, from shows that started at 10:00 pm on a Friday night (when I learned sports reporters in Texas cover high school football, not hockey) to the morning show. Sometimes I arrived at work at 3:00 am and sometimes I left at 3:00 am. It was everything I dreamed of.

Then 16 months later, one summer morning, the Team 1050 radio station disappeared. Just like that. All of the employees were brought together into a room and were laid off. I was devastated. In a short time I got the taste of what I wanted my career to be, and I wasn’t ready to walk away. I remember Paul Romanuk, who co-hosted the morning show, walked over to me that morning and said, “Alicia, you are not a true journalist until you have been fired at least once. Welcome to the club.”

When I made the Choice to Leave

I was one of the lucky ones, as I was hired by Rogers Sportsnet days later. It was an entry level job, but I took it. I had made some great friends in my days in radio, and one of them brought me over to TV. He knows who he is and I am forever grateful for his kindness. It took me only a couple of months to apply and get an opening on the Assignment desk. It was a different pace than radio, with different personalities, but again, some great people. This is where I really learned how to hustle and get the news on air.

The days were long, and during hockey playoffs I often worked until 4:00 am. Some days were exciting and full, and I felt the adrenaline running through me, but over time I became less motivated. I kind of lost my drive and desire to go to work. I knew I was good at my job and respected by my colleagues. I knew a career in sports media was unstable and while it never happened to me at Sportsnet, I continued to see colleagues within the industry losing their jobs every day. And I knew this problem would only deteriorate.

And so, I eventually left my job in sports media and pursued my career as a communications professional. There are many days when I miss the energy of the newsroom. When I read a piece of breaking news I can still picture what was happening at that exact moment at the assignment desk as the news came in. Who should they interview? What are some key questions to ask? What headline would be good?

No Regrets

While I may miss my days in radio or TV, I do not regret my decision to leave. I have met and worked for and alongside some equally talented and wonderful people during my years as a communications professional. In particular, I work for a company right now who respects me, as a professional and as a woman and parent. The skills I have learned along the way, from my Broadcast Radio class with Professor Ludlum, to producing the morning show at a radio station, are some that I use every day in my current job.

To all of you who chose to stay in sports media, who either lost your job recently or are currently employed, I applaud you. You are some amazing people, many of whom I had the honour to work with. Stay strong and follow your passion. That’s what I did, and I have never looked back.

Reflections on a First Day

first

The first for everything we experience in life is special. Sometimes it’s sensational or thrilling. And sometimes it can be scary or downright terrifying. Or maybe all of the above. The first day of spring brings with it the joy of warmth and growth. A child’s first word or first steps bring delight about the anticipation of a developing little human being. The first day of school comes with a mix of trepidation and excitement every year. The first day of a new job can be stressful, exhilarating and petrifying all at the same moment.

We experienced a few firsts this week in our family, and for sure there has been quite a mix of emotions.

Tuesday was the first day of school for many children across Canada. For my oldest two children it was the first day at the same school they have always known, but of course in the next grade. With every new school year there are changes and growth with elevated expectations for the child. There’s a new teacher, sometimes a new classroom and a few new students to meet. The child is nervous and jittery, and taking that step into the school hallway and into the classroom can be tough. My son ran away and barely waved good bye. My daughter got a bit teary-eyed as we walked away from her grade 3 classroom.

For my youngest, my baby, Nessa, it was literally her first day of school. She’s only going to preschool, but this is a huge step for such a tiny person. She has always been home with me or a caregiver, and this week represented the first time this little two-year-old went out into the world. Okay, she wasn’t walking the floor of the Stock Exchange or selling lottery tickets from a kiosk, but it was her first day out of the house, in a brand-new environment. That’s a big step for anyone, and she made it through like a champion. There were a few tears, but she perked up when she saw the baby dolls, plastic food, and so I’m told, lunch.

When Nessa’s tears began to flow at drop-off I swiftly gave her a kiss on her forehead and was out the door. She’s my third child, and I know how it goes. I remember the first time I dropped off my son at daycare when he was only 11 months old. He was my first child. I don’t know if he cried, but I did! I sobbed outside, on the steps of his daycare, feeling guilty that I had abandoned my child. By number three I sure didn’t feel this way and easily waved good bye and ran.

But I didn’t run home because on Tuesday I also experienced my first day. I didn’t go back to school but I started a new, full-time job. As I have written a number of times here in my blog, I have been on a journey the last two years to find the next steps on my career path. I established my own small business doing consulting and contract work in communications, and of course this blog. I wanted to figure out what’s best for me professionally, where I could bring value and contribute to an organization in a meaningful way.

It took me a while to figure it out and I definitely have hit some speed bumps over the last year. A few months ago I was offered a full-time position at a company where I was doing contract work, and it was the right fit. After a lot of planning, both logistically and mentally, Tuesday was my first day back at work full-time. It was an overwhelming day with more information thrown my way than I could ever absorb. But the first day turned into a second day on Wednesday. And it was much less overwhelming and much more productive and fulfilling.

So the first day is exciting and terrifying. The second day is a bit calmer and less scary. When we  get to the third, fourth, fifth day and beyond we get comfortable and confident. We will all experience many more firsts in life, and I hope they are as successful as the ones my family and I had this week.

What If all we had was What If?

what if

What if. These are two words we say all the time. We use these two words for both positive and negative outcomes, for creative expression or terrible consequences. They can be connected with changing our future or going over the past. What if. It makes me think.

Our car got into a minor fender bender last week. No one was hurt, well except our car and the other guy’s. I immediately asked myself, what if we had left home a few minutes earlier? What if I had decided to keep the baby home that day and not bring her to daycare? What if my husband understood that looking in his blind spot when changing lanes was a good idea?

My son, in a moment of 11-year-old rage directed at his father, broke our bathroom sink faucet last night. The faucet probably was on its way out, but brute force definitely sent it over the edge. Again, I said to myself – what if I hadn’t told my son to take a shower at that moment? What if my husband didn’t snap at his son? What if my son just took out his rage on us by yelling and not acting?

Those are two small examples where I asked that two-word question over and over, but every day it crosses my mind. Sometimes it’s something minor, almost petty. What if I left my house just five minutes earlier, then I wouldn’t be stuck behind this garbage truck? Or what if I put my umbrella in my purse this morning and didn’t get soaked on my way home from work? What if I had turned left instead of right and not snagged that great parking spot?

It goes on and on, and for the most part the outcome is not that significant. Leaving a few minutes early or changing my mind does not affect my life too much other than maybe add some stress or bring a smile to my face.

But there are other what if questions I ask myself that are much bigger and most definitely have turned my life in one direction or another. I guess you could say that for almost everything we do, if we had not the acted, sometimes at that exact moment, our lives would be markedly different.

Back in 1999 my husband and I lived in Israel for about 6 months, early in our marriage. I applied for a number of Masters of Journalism programs across the US and chose a top-rated program in broadcasting at New York University. We moved to New York, where David worked and I went to school. What if I didn’t go back to school and we stayed in Israel? And what if I chose American University in Washington DC instead? What if we stayed in New York after I finished school instead of moving back to Toronto?

Did I make the right choice for my career path, years ago or more recently? Is Toronto the right city for me to live in and raise my family? What if we chose a different neighbourhood to live in or a different school or camp for our children? What if I didn’t give David a second chance, back in 1995, when I first met him (when he was drunk) at a “Beer Bash?”

If all I did was ask what if all day every day I would never be able to make a decision or live my life. And lately, I will admit, I have been asking that question too often. I have been questioning my choices and my decisions, and it often leaves me frozen on the spot. At times I have been overwhelmed, but thanks to some wonderful family, friends and colleagues, I am pushing through.

I need to turn what if into something positive and a vehicle to drive me to action. What if I contacted some old friends or work colleagues to just catch up and get some inspiration? What if I signed up for that spin or yoga class? Or what if I invest more energy (dare I say also money?!) in my beloved blog, Kinetic Motions, and see where it takes me? What if I focus on all the positive in my life and not all the tasks and stress that bog me down?

Writing this post helps me turn my attention from questioning past actions and choices to focusing on what is next and the great things I can do with my future. If you read all the way to the bottom, thank you, kind readers. Your support is much appreciated.

Writing is my Escape

My parents always told me to not make any decisions or take action when I’m angry. In that moment when I feel outraged my emotions are not in check, and it’s probably best if I calm myself down, relax, take some time, then reflect later on what made me angry. I had one of those moments on Thursday, and sitting here at my computer, just writing, is soothing and calming. I am not going to act or make decisions, I’m just going to write.

I created this blog, Kinetic Motions, primarily for me. Some people write in a diary and other people bottle up their emotions and thoughts and keep them inside. I can’t do that. I don’t like to hide my feelings, and my stress is alleviated by sharing how I feel about almost everything. This blog is my vehicle to relieve anxiety when I have it (I believe we all have some, sometimes). When I am overwhelmed, I write. I think. I share.

I write about many light topics, like my love of sports, my passion for travel or random thoughts like what people do on an elevator or how many times I move my milk until it arrives in my fridge. I write about my family, how we are bed hoppers or that my toddler is an adorable little menace. The role of women in society is something I care deeply about, the challenges working mothers have to balance – or maybe integrate – work and home.

I have also tackled mental health, though I haven’t looked at this topic too deeply. While I don’t personally suffer from a chronic mental health disorder, I will admit that at times I am not mentally healthy. Certain situations or life events at times make me anxious. When there are stresses in my life that I can’t control I am sometimes brought to tears. As I write this post, on Thursday evening, there are tears rolling down my cheeks.

I am not writing this looking for sympathy. I believe the emotions I am writing about are felt by millions of people around the world. When life hands you lemons…. Sometimes you just need to cry. Sometimes it is just too much, and you need to find a way to release it all. For me, writing is my release.

While I am not someone who keeps emotions bottled up, I am at times a private person.  Like many women, I carry a lot on my shoulders. I have always been the person, from early on in my life, who could handle anything. People looked to me as a trusted friend, a reliable employee and dependable relative. I am proud of that and hope that people will continue to look to me when they are in need – of advice, help or a shoulder to cry on.

Over the past few weeks I have learned that I can’t do it all. My family is going through some transitions, and while I know that in time our life will stabilize and everything will be okay, right now life is stressful. We are all healthy and we are lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive extended family and close friends around us.

While my husband, David, and I, are not defined by our careers, we are both focused on what we have achieved and what we can accomplish next. I have gone on a journey over the last year and am finding my way, thanks to many people who have given me tremendous guidance.

David is at the start of his journey, since the company for which he worked for almost five years has gone bankrupt and no longer exists. He is facing a daily up and down emotional roller coaster, and naturally this affects our whole family. There are days when he has an inspirational meeting with someone and is excited about the path he has chosen. Then there are days that his anxiety gets the better of him, and he questions his career choices and his professional experience.

Thursday was one of those anxious days. He had an interview that didn’t go too well and a meeting with someone who didn’t offer him any real inspirational value.  When he came home an emotional wreck Thursday afternoon, my anger boiled over. I couldn’t handle his anxiety-riddled mental state and what it was doing to me and my family.

So, I remembered what my parents told me: when I am angry, when I am overly stressed and unable to behave rationally, walk away. Calm down. And I as do now, just write. Everything will be okay. For me, and I know for David too.

How Automated will our Future be?

automated

Another winter weekend and another Friday night drive up to our family country home for a weekend of skiing. We have such interesting conversations during the two-hour trip. I think I may have to make the conversations of our Friday night drive a weekly blog feature. The topics of conversation are just so interesting. One of the topics we covered during this week’s drive: how automated will our future be, and with that, what jobs will disappear?

It was a toss-up for me about which topic was most interesting during our car ride, an automated future or the history of small pox (David and Matthew like to discuss war, but they also enjoy talking about disease and death). In the end, our sometimes bizarre though, for the most part, fascinating conversation about an automated future, sticks with me most.

Over the past 250 years the world has seen tremendous change. The Industrial Revolution, which altered work from hand production to machines and industry, marks a major turning point in history, and our transition from manual to automated seems to accelerate by the day.

What fascinated my son throughout our conversation were the careers, jobs and industries that exist today, in 2018, that may disappear in the future because of automation. It was interesting to hear his perspective, at age ten, about how he sees the future and the career path he may take – based on jobs that may or may not exist.

For example, he questioned the need for doctors in the future. That may seem shocking to you, but his reasoning was logical, in part. I will admit that he used Star Wars as his prime example of a future with no doctors or no need for them. Matthew has a creative mind and his thoughts are often inspired by what he sees and experiences. But he is also very intelligent and insightful. He is also highly influenced by the technology that surrounds him every day.

So, here is what Matthew explained to me about why he questions the need for trained doctors in the future. It was, as I expected, all about technology. He feels that all medical questions can be researched and answered by the internet – yes, Dr. Google. He thinks that robotics is a technology of the future, where robots and droids can treat people and even do surgery. For him, it’s all about an automated future.

As we rely more heavily on technology, no doubt there are thousands of jobs that disappear every year. Grocery stores are investing in the “self-check-out.” Online retailers like Amazon are testing drones to deliver packages to customers. Factories need fewer employees to build, create and package product. It is all in the name of automation. Fewer jobs and lower cost to deliver a service.

But I also feel that with an automated future, where we lose jobs in factories, medicine or stores, we also gain jobs in other sectors. Technology, as it evolves, still needs the human touch to create, develop and maintain it. The career of the IT professional, web developer or digital marketer didn’t even exist a few decades ago.

2018 may not be when we experience a new Industrial Revolution but rather a Technology Revolution. With an automated future, we have to evolve the way we think and develop our careers. The way my children see their future is so different than how I saw mine. I don’t think a droid doctor will be doing surgery on my anytime soon, but my son thinks it’s coming. He discounts a medical career path as he has determined that technology will kill that career.

For me, as I sit at a crossroads mid-career, in my early forties, I know that I must embrace the Technology Revolution and ride the road it will take me on. This blog is my first step as I bring together the craft I love – writing – with an automated future full of technology – the blog, internet and social media. It’s exciting and a little scary, but I’m ready.

And as for my son, Matthew, and his future career? If you ask him, he will tell you that he wants to pursue some kind of business, and he wants to make a lot of money. He won’t expand and share any details on that dream to me, but I guess I can’t complain. He has an idea of what the future may be, and I’m excited to watch it unfold.

Pay it Forward

pay it forward

Helping someone in need can take many forms. There are many individuals who need help, be it financial, physical or spiritual. Some people are dealt some pretty rough cards in life, and I have always felt that it’s important to be there for people who need a helping hand. For someone who is sick, impoverished or disadvantaged in some other way, I don’t need someone to help me first in order to push me to help someone else. I just do it. The concept of Pay it Forward comes from the idea to create a ripple of kindness. One person can influence the next person to be kind, and it just spreads.

I’m all in support of that, and I even see that an international Pay it Forward Day has been established. It’s coming up on Saturday, April 28, 2018. But that’s not what I want to focus on today. I want to talk about how to pay it forward in other ways.

Sometimes you help someone just because it’s the right thing to do. The person you help doesn’t have to be ill, short on money or lost in any way. It can be your sister, your friend, your cousin or your current or former colleague. You can help your friend who has been close to you for 30 years or the person you met last week.

I have been the beneficiary of this concept many times in my life, and I appreciate the helping hand I got. In particular, I want to thank the many people who have helped me develop and grow in my career.

My first mentor was a tremendous man named Michael Ludlum. He was my “Writing for Broadcasting” professor during my first semester of Journalism School at New York University almost 20 years ago. I was the one student in our small class of graduate students with no experience in journalism. He recognized my raw talent and spent hours working with me, training me and giving me the confidence to be a good journalist.

Professor Ludlum, I believe, recommended my name to be a Graduate Assistant, which ensured the rest of my graduate school tuition was paid and that I secured a salary to teach young undergraduate students with him. He taught me the importance of mentorship and leadership and how to manage people in a way that helped them grow. I have passed that on to my colleagues and people who have reported to me throughout my 15 year plus career. I hope they learned something from me, via Professor Ludlum, and guide people in the right direction.

I worked with a talented group of people early in my career, in radio, at the Team Sports Radio Network. The ownership shut down the sports concept less than two years after we launched, and yes, we all lost our jobs. But my boss, and another one of my early mentors, Shawn Lavigne, stuck his neck out for me and secured a job for me at Sportsnet. He didn’t have to do that, but he just did. He recommended my name to a hiring manager, and that’s how I moved from radio to TV.

The day I got my job at Sportsnet I promised myself that I would pay it forward and help other people secure a job if they needed my help. I have to say, one of the greatest ways you can pay it forward, and get a ripple moving, is to use your influence to help someone in his or her career. It is something people do not forget, and it keeps the pay it forward momentum going.

As I have changed paths in my career there are many more people who have guided me and really helped me. But people haven’t just helped me with my career. When I faced years of fertility challenges, people offered me advice and support. When I have been overwhelmed with life (ever had a day like that?!), my friends and family were quick to reach out to be there for me. I have and will continue to pay it forward and be there for them.

Dads in the Corner Office AND Making Dinner

Dads

Over the past six months I have written a number of posts about how to balance the many demands of being a mother to three children and my personal career ambitions. I have come to the conclusion that women in 2017 can’t have it all. We try hard to have a work-family balance, and I personally have settled to just do my best. But what about Dads? Can the modern father have it all? Can he rise through the ranks of a corporation or spend long days and even nights working, yet still be there at home to bathe the children and read them a bedtime story?

I have not given Dads enough credit. It is not easy to be a father in 2017. Men who choose to get married, in their twenties and thirties in particular, and have children in their twenties, thirties and into their forties, are also looking for the ultimate work-family balance. These men are not the CEO of the house (sorry guys, that’s the woman!) and often don’t even think about all the small details that go into the well-oiled machine that is raising children.

But today’s father plays an active role in not only how his children are raised – the corporate world calls this the strategy – but also is actively involved in raising those children – the tactics. Dads today don’t just wake up in the morning, get ready for work and kiss the wife and children good bye as he heads out the door. He may give the children breakfast, put their lunch together for school and often is the person who brings them to school each morning.

Dads today go grocery shopping, drive the kids to karate and wash the dishes after dinner. They book play dates for their kids and change diapers. And many of them also hold down a full-time job. I believe that at work they are expected to devote all their energy and put aside the demands of their home life. While many of these great men try, they too may never achieve a much-desired true work-family balance.

My husband, David, is one of those Dads. As his colleagues will tell you, David is one of the most dedicated and skilled people to work with. He works with tremendous integrity and passion and throws himself in to every task he tackles. He is thorough and considers every minute detail.

David’s biggest challenge is time management. As a professional, he is loyal and works hard. As a Dad, he is caring and will do anything for his children. Balancing the needs and demands of work and children is often very difficult.

I believe David’s challenge is not unique. Many Dads in 2017 want the same success in their career that men have always wanted. And they are expected to give their full attention and energy to their job. But they want to also play an active role in raising their children. Many of their wives have a career, and these men are compelled to spend quality time with the children and support the duties of the household.

It’s not easy. I commend the efforts of the Dad who tries his best to reach the corner office and cook dinner for his family. Thank you to all the men out there who work hard every day and who also do their best to support their wives as they strive to reach the corner office too.

Dads
Getting the office work done then feeding the kids

Maternity Leave is not all that it’s Cracked up to be

maternity leave

I have three wonderful children who are the loves of my life. Like many women, I dreamed of being a mother for many years and consider myself lucky every day that I was blessed with such an incredible family. My third child, Nessa, my little miracle, did not come so easily, and I am thankful every day for her being in my life. I chose to take maternity leave with each of my three children, which I feel is a privilege given to Canadian women. However, while many people see maternity leave as a great benefit, it can also have damaging consequences to a woman’s job and career aspirations.

I also firmly believe that the new expanded parental leave, announced yesterday by the Federal government, will potentially cause further damage to a woman’s career.

Under the current system, a person (or couple) can take a leave from work for a total of 12 months following the birth of a baby (or start that leave up to 8 weeks before the child is born). During that period, a new parent (or parents) qualify to receive up to 50 weeks of employment insurance from the Government of Canada. I believe that comes out to up to $543 per week. Some employers top up pay for some or all of that time as well. Under the expanded leave, a total of 18 months can be taken off, but the financial benefits are not increased (just spread out thinner over a longer period of time).

I want to put the financial benefits of maternity leave aside. What I want to focus on is the job one “leaves” and what happens the next day after a woman has left the workplace to focus on her new baby. This has happened to me three times.

Each time I had a new baby I chose to go on maternity leave from a full-time job. I was at one place of employment when my first two children were born and another organization when my third child was born. As a communications professional, I worked in fast-paced demanding jobs with a lot on my plate. And I loved it. I knew that with the massive workload I had that someone else had to either take over my job or a group of people had to fill in for me while I was away. Life went on and work had to be done whether I was there or not. That’s the case for all women who go on maternity leave.

So, what happens when a woman is away from the office for just a few weeks, a few months, 12 months or now as many as 18 months? As I said, life goes on at work, people fill in and the organization creates a new normal. When my son was born in 2007, I was away for 8 months. When my daughter was born in 2010 I was away for 11 months. And the organization where I was employed went on and my colleagues worked hard and filled in for me.

After my first maternity leave I returned to my same job and went on with my day-to-day responsibilities. In fact, a few months later I even got a promotion. I worked hard and did my best to balance the demands of my job with the needs of my baby. I assumed the same thing would happen in 2011 when I returned to the same job after my second maternity leave.

But I was wrong. The organization where I worked was planning massive changes and a rebranding while I was away, and those changes were implemented weeks after I returned. I was told my job was eliminated.

I had just come off 11 months of maternity leave and had received almost 50 weeks of employment insurance benefits. I did not qualify to receive any more and thought that in Canada there was a system in place to protect young mothers who chose to take a leave from work to care for their young children. Our jobs, we were told, were protected, so that we could go away for a year and return to work. I understood that my exact job did not have to be given back to me but that a job equal to mine had to at least be available to me. It was, for a few weeks, then it was gone. Why? Because if an organization, for or not-for-profit, does a massive reorganization, it is not required to retain women on maternity leave. It is allowed to eliminate those jobs.

I was lucky that I quickly secured another job in 2011, one I loved very much. I received a number of promotions over the next few years, and by 2016, when Nessa was born, I managed a team of people and oversaw many files and projects at the company. While I did not make a final decision on how long I would be away from my job, I knew I wanted to take at least 4-5 months of maternity leave to spend time with my new baby.

When the baby was not quite 3 months old I was informed that my job had been eliminated. This time there was no company reorganization that I knew of. Various people had filled in for me, there was a new normal and they didn’t need me anymore. It didn’t matter that I was respected by my colleagues and made contributions to the organization over the previous five years. Out of sight, out of mind. So what if the Government of Canada had a maternity leave program? My employer didn’t care. My job was gone.

According to some research I found from Statistics Canada, which looked at the increasing maternity leave benefits from 1971 onwards, I read that “one aim of the 2000 amendment was to enable working parents to care for their infant longer and still allow them secure re-entry into employment” It added that “after the extension of parental benefits, all provinces and territories revised their labour codes to give full job protection of 52 weeks or more to employees taking paid or unpaid maternity or parental leave.”

Financial benefits aside, maternity leave was created, in-part, so that women could feel confident that they could walk away from a job to care for a baby knowing their job was secure and protected. But that is not the case. And the longer a woman is away from her job, potentially up to 18 months with the new expanded leave, the less security and protection she has.

If the Government of Canada is going to expand its parental leave program then it also needs to put in place strict rules that protect those parents’ jobs when they choose to take a leave to care for young children. As long as employers can eliminate a job during or soon after a maternity leave then it is not a true benefit. Canadian women need to know their careers can grow and their jobs are secure when they become new mothers and attempt the very difficult task of a balance between work and home. Until that happens, there is no such thing as a true maternity leave.