My parents always told me to not make any decisions or take action when I’m angry. In that moment when I feel outraged my emotions are not in check, and it’s probably best if I calm myself down, relax, take some time, then reflect later on what made me angry. I had one of those moments on Thursday, and sitting here at my computer, just writing, is soothing and calming. I am not going to act or make decisions, I’m just going to write.
I created this blog, Kinetic Motions, primarily for me. Some people write in a diary and other people bottle up their emotions and thoughts and keep them inside. I can’t do that. I don’t like to hide my feelings, and my stress is alleviated by sharing how I feel about almost everything. This blog is my vehicle to relieve anxiety when I have it (I believe we all have some, sometimes). When I am overwhelmed, I write. I think. I share.
I write about many light topics, like my love of sports, my passion for travel or random thoughts like what people do on an elevator or how many times I move my milk until it arrives in my fridge. I write about my family, how we are bed hoppers or that my toddler is an adorable little menace. The role of women in society is something I care deeply about, the challenges working mothers have to balance – or maybe integrate – work and home.
I have also tackled mental health, though I haven’t looked at this topic too deeply. While I don’t personally suffer from a chronic mental health disorder, I will admit that at times I am not mentally healthy. Certain situations or life events at times make me anxious. When there are stresses in my life that I can’t control I am sometimes brought to tears. As I write this post, on Thursday evening, there are tears rolling down my cheeks.
I am not writing this looking for sympathy. I believe the emotions I am writing about are felt by millions of people around the world. When life hands you lemons…. Sometimes you just need to cry. Sometimes it is just too much, and you need to find a way to release it all. For me, writing is my release.
While I am not someone who keeps emotions bottled up, I am at times a private person. Like many women, I carry a lot on my shoulders. I have always been the person, from early on in my life, who could handle anything. People looked to me as a trusted friend, a reliable employee and dependable relative. I am proud of that and hope that people will continue to look to me when they are in need – of advice, help or a shoulder to cry on.
Over the past few weeks I have learned that I can’t do it all. My family is going through some transitions, and while I know that in time our life will stabilize and everything will be okay, right now life is stressful. We are all healthy and we are lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive extended family and close friends around us.
While my husband, David, and I, are not defined by our careers, we are both focused on what we have achieved and what we can accomplish next. I have gone on a journey over the last year and am finding my way, thanks to many people who have given me tremendous guidance.
David is at the start of his journey, since the company for which he worked for almost five years has gone bankrupt and no longer exists. He is facing a daily up and down emotional roller coaster, and naturally this affects our whole family. There are days when he has an inspirational meeting with someone and is excited about the path he has chosen. Then there are days that his anxiety gets the better of him, and he questions his career choices and his professional experience.
Thursday was one of those anxious days. He had an interview that didn’t go too well and a meeting with someone who didn’t offer him any real inspirational value. When he came home an emotional wreck Thursday afternoon, my anger boiled over. I couldn’t handle his anxiety-riddled mental state and what it was doing to me and my family.
So, I remembered what my parents told me: when I am angry, when I am overly stressed and unable to behave rationally, walk away. Calm down. And I as do now, just write. Everything will be okay. For me, and I know for David too.
2 Replies to “Writing is my Escape”
Dunno how I missed your Thursday column . Resend if possible as e mail please.
Having spent my life in sales jobs, I have inevitably moved or been moved many times. I learned several things: Buy something – it makes you happy. Take one day off and don’t search for a new job. Have a glass of wine, maybe two. Promise yourself to start looking for the next job as soon as you get the next job.
Hope everything works out. What was David’s last job?