Musings - KINETIC MOTIONS

November 27, 2017

Overwhelmed

Have you ever had a day, days or a week when many stresses or challenges all came together? Any one of them on their own can cause anxiety, but when it all happens at once you feel like your world is crashing in. You feel overwhelmed. Different kinds of emotions are all fighting each other – fear, sadness and also anger. Can you handle it? What should you do?

That was me this past weekend. I am not going to go through the actual events and stresses that came together over a period of time to make me realize on Sunday afternoon that I was overwhelmed. Too many things that I simply couldn’t control were all happening too fast and I felt like I was starting to crumble.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am typically a strong person who has it together. I am quite capable of balancing many things at once every day in my life. And I have written extensively about all the puzzle pieces in my life that I work hard to manage every day.

It’s not easy to pursue a career, raise children and run a household, all at the same time. I work every day, both mentally and physically, to keep it together. But this past weekend it was just too much. My regular puzzle pieces weren’t fitting in at all, and yes, I will admit, I fell apart.

It’s a scary feeling to lose control. I felt helpless. I was overwhelmed.

It was just when I was feeling very down that my aunt showed up at my house. This is my Auntie Jo, the very same wonderful lady who inspired me to keep going and keep focusing to have a third child. She is one of the main reasons we are lucky to have our Tiny Miracle, Nessa, in our lives.

Besides giving me the hug I needed, she calmed me down and brought me back from my confused, stressed-out state. She offered helpful advice and reminded me that being overwhelmed is okay and that I would be fine.

My sister, Darcie, showed up soon after. Even though at this point there were seven children running, jumping and of course bum-walking, around my house, the zoo didn’t affect me too much. My sister was also a welcome visitor, bringing me encouragement and helping me stay centred.

By early Sunday evening my house was a mess, the laundry was not clean yet and I barely strung dinner together for everyone. I will admit that I was still overwhelmed as I tidied the toys put the final load of laundry into the machine at 11:00 pm and had a late-night snack and hot shower.

I’m still a bit on edge today, and my issues and challenges are not resolved. I am trying to take the time to sort them out and take each on one by one. That’s much less overwhelming. Life can hand you unwelcome anxieties every day, and I am confident that I will get through mine. Thank you to everyone who has offered advice and support. I am here for you too anytime you are overwhelmed, as a niece, sister, daughter, random relative or friend.

November 23, 2017

Put on Your Shoes. It’s Time to Leave!

Put on your shoes. Get your coat on. Stop bugging your sister. Where is your hat? No, you are not playing iPad now. You left your homework where? I said, put on your shoes. Now. I’m not waiting any longer. I’m leaving. Get your hands off your brother. It’s time to leave.

These are the typical words out of my mouth each morning as I herd my husband and children out the front door, to the car and off to school. Getting the people I live with to listen to me in the morning could be my biggest challenge in life. It is stressful and often painful. Why don’t they listen to me? Why don’t they move?

I will admit that we do not have a great morning routine in our house. I am usually the first person to wake up and get myself ready. When I wake up I find a different person in my bed each day (okay not quite, it is always one of the four other people I live with!). That person, whether it’s my husband or the baby, does not want to wake up.

Getting my children to wake up, get dressed (forget brushing their hair, I gave up on that a while ago) and eat breakfast is a struggle. But we always get through it. I brace myself when it’s time to get ready to leave the house. Put on your shoes. I must say that a dozen times each morning.

Why does it take upwards of ten minutes to leave the house in the morning? Is it really so hard to put on your shoes? There is definitely a mix of distraction and intentional ignoring going on. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a wall. I think the wall listens better than my husband and children.

I know that today’s post sounds a bit absurd and even rather shallow as there are far more important issues in my direct life and greater world where I should focus my attention. But this is driving me crazy. As I write this, with my children sleeping and my house quiet, I feel compelled to yell, “put on your shoes!” Maybe if I start the process the night before we will get out of the house on time the next day?

As we head into the winter, my morning stress levels will no doubt increase. Put on your shoes will turn into put on your boots. There will be heavy coats, hats and mittens to put on (first to be found under a chair or deep in a school bag). There’s often a sidewalk to be shoveled and car to warm up. Tuesday is garbage day, which adds a whole extra layer of delay to my morning.

I am happy to listen to any suggestions about how to get my gang moving better in the morning, in particular how to get them out the door on time. Do you have slow moving people in your house? I look forward to reading your comments, posted here, on Facebook or on Twitter @AliciaRichler.

November 22, 2017

Dads in the Corner Office AND Making Dinner

Over the past six months I have written a number of posts about how to balance the many demands of being a mother to three children and my personal career ambitions. I have come to the conclusion that women in 2017 can’t have it all. We try hard to have a work-family balance, and I personally have settled to just do my best. But what about Dads? Can the modern father have it all? Can he rise through the ranks of a corporation or spend long days and even nights working, yet still be there at home to bathe the children and read them a bedtime story?

I have not given Dads enough credit. It is not easy to be a father in 2017. Men who choose to get married, in their twenties and thirties in particular, and have children in their twenties, thirties and into their forties, are also looking for the ultimate work-family balance. These men are not the CEO of the house (sorry guys, that’s the woman!) and often don’t even think about all the small details that go into the well-oiled machine that is raising children.

But today’s father plays an active role in not only how his children are raised – the corporate world calls this the strategy – but also is actively involved in raising those children – the tactics. Dads today don’t just wake up in the morning, get ready for work and kiss the wife and children good bye as he heads out the door. He may give the children breakfast, put their lunch together for school and often is the person who brings them to school each morning.

Dads today go grocery shopping, drive the kids to karate and wash the dishes after dinner. They book play dates for their kids and change diapers. And many of them also hold down a full-time job. I believe that at work they are expected to devote all their energy and put aside the demands of their home life. While many of these great men try, they too may never achieve a much-desired true work-family balance.

My husband, David, is one of those Dads. As his colleagues will tell you, David is one of the most dedicated and skilled people to work with. He works with tremendous integrity and passion and throws himself in to every task he tackles. He is thorough and considers every minute detail.

David’s biggest challenge is time management. As a professional, he is loyal and works hard. As a Dad, he is caring and will do anything for his children. Balancing the needs and demands of work and children is often very difficult.

I believe David’s challenge is not unique. Many Dads in 2017 want the same success in their career that men have always wanted. And they are expected to give their full attention and energy to their job. But they want to also play an active role in raising their children. Many of their wives have a career, and these men are compelled to spend quality time with the children and support the duties of the household.

It’s not easy. I commend the efforts of the Dad who tries his best to reach the corner office and cook dinner for his family. Thank you to all the men out there who work hard every day and who also do their best to support their wives as they strive to reach the corner office too.

November 20, 2017November 19, 2017

House Hunters Couch Potato

People who don’t have the expertise to operate a vehicle but like to call the shots in the car are referred to as back seat drivers. Then there are the individuals who don’t have a passport but read about international destinations, and we call them armchair travelers. And there is a new group of people who watch an endless selection of real estate shows on television and feel they are inches away from possessing a realtor’s license – I call them House Hunters couch potatoes. I think I’m one of them.

I love HGTV – Home and Garden Television. It’s a cornucopia of television shows about real estate, renovation and gardening. Couch potatoes, who may be flipping through the channels on TV, consider themselves experts on bathroom plumbing and deck building. From the comfort of the living room people mull over the choice of a property by the beach or something more convenient in town.

I don’t watch all the shows on HGTV. My personal favourites are anything and everything to do with real estate. Maybe I should have been a real estate agent. Though as I think about that, I really just enjoy looking at houses for sale. I’m not too interested in the long negotiation process or contracts and legal considerations that go with the process.

Which is why I love House Hunters and the many spin-offs of this very addictive show. House Hunters basic premise is that a person or couple or family is looking for a place to live, and through the 30-minute show the person (or people) is presented with three properties to visit and consider. By the end of each episode a property is chosen and the person (or people) move in.

During each episode, the viewers learn about the house hunters – their names, ages, where they live, what they do for a living and their hobbies too. In a few short minutes this show manages to convey a person’s a whole life story! And then we get to the good stuff – we go inside houses and apartments with these people.

While I love House Hunters (and others like it such as Caribbean Life or Property Virgins), it is quite shallow and simple. For example, whenever a couple sets out on their house hunt, they usually strongly differ about where to live – in the suburbs or the city – or what kind of house to buy: she wants a two-storey colonial while he is adamant that they must live in a ranch. She won’t even consider a house that doesn’t have a fireplace. He must have a man-cave in the basement.

Few people are actually that demanding or narrow-minded when searching for a property, or at least not publicly. The show is a bit of a scripted act. The husband who said a house in the suburbs was a deal-breaker is all smiles when he tells his loving wife that he adored the sprawling home on the cul-de sac as soon as he saw it. Really? And did the real estate agent only show the couple three homes? I highly doubt it.

Then there’s the various spinoffs of this addictive show. There’s House Hunters International, Off the Grid, Renovation, Island Hunters Tiny House and now Family too. I think there’s even more that I don’t know about. House Hunters International has inspired me to be not only a couch potato but an armchair traveler too. It makes me think that I too can move my family to a beach town in Australia, find the perfect home and settle in comfortably to a new community. Oh, and of course I only have to view three homes to easily make my decision.

I’m actually amazed how clueless the house hunters are on the International edition. If you are moving to a new, often far-off country, wouldn’t you do a bit more research on the place, the culture and local real estate trends and prices before you arrive?

For example, I recently watched an episode about a family who moved to a town north of Sydney, Australia from the United States. With only the husband working they set a rental budget of $2,000 per month and wanted a house with at least 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Within the first few minutes of the episode the local real estate agent told them it was impossible in that community to spend only that amount of money for what they wanted. How do you move halfway around the world and not do some research in advance about the cost of living? So was this couple really that ignorant, or was it scripted to make them look that way? And yes, of course they raised their budget to get the house of their dreams…

My criticisms aside, I am obsessed with House Hunters, especially the International edition. Do you ever walk down the street in your local neighbourhood or wander around a foreign city and say to yourself, I wonder what these homes look like inside? House Hunters lets you do that. No matter what home is chosen, we, as viewers, went along for the ride with them and vicariously had the opportunity to see inside the houses and apartments and make our own virtual decisions.

And now I need to feed my addiction. Off to my couch for some House Hunters.

November 13, 2017November 13, 2017

The Most Delicious Afternoon Nap

I love to take an afternoon nap. Babies and toddlers ensure this is a part of every day of their lives. By the time we reach preschool or kindergarten most children have dropped what I believe is one of the most important parts of the day: the afternoon nap. This most glorious activity does not get the respect it deserves, and I want to start a movement to bring back the afternoon nap.

Many cultures and societies around the world understand the importance of the afternoon nap. Have you ever heard the word siesta? It is the Spanish term for a snooze. There are places around the world, such as throughout Europe or the Middle East, where siesta is taken seriously and is scheduled into the day. In many places, businesses even close for up to two hours and streets are empty while children and adults alike lie down and take a rest. I’m jealous.

My desire to take an afternoon nap can happen in the middle of a busy workday on a Wednesday afternoon or a lazy Saturday at home. Have you ever been in a meeting, listening to a lecture or sat in science class when suddenly your eyes start to droop and your head tilts sideways? It takes everything in you to stay awake and focus. You don’t want to be the person who falls over in a chair and starts to snore. In your semi-comatose state, all you can think about is an afternoon nap. Even a ten-minute power nap would be perfect.

Some businesses understand the importance of an afternoon nap. They understand that employee productivity, in particular during a long afternoon, will increase, if people are given the opportunity to have a snooze. Some companies, like Uber and Google, have “nap rooms” in their offices. Brilliant.

But the most delicious afternoon nap happens on a weekend afternoon at home. Your boss isn’t there to tap you on the shoulder as you are slumped on your chair or unconscious and snoring under your desk. Here is my idea of a dreamy weekend snooze:

You are in the comfort of your own home and you plop down on the living room couch. You have a good book ready to read, an unfinished Scrabble game on your smartphone or this week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy recorded on the PVR. The house is quiet and you settle in. After a few pages of your book, a couple of moves in the Scrabble game or a few minutes of the show on TV your eyes close and you fall into a deep and dreamy sleep.

The kids (or spouse or friends’ kids) could start swirling and screaming around you, but it doesn’t matter. You are perfectly comfortable and happy that the walls could come crashing down around you and it won’t matter. You have reached that ultimate state of Zen.

A couple of hours later you wake up slowly, usually with a bit of drool coming out of your mouth. You are unsure of exactly where you are or what time it is. But it doesn’t matter. You are relaxed and cozy on the couch and you feel great. Indeed you just had a delicious afternoon nap.

To make my afternoon nap truly delicious it has to be on the right couch in the right place. The couch in the family room at my own house is perfect. Second on the list would be any couch at my family cottage near Collingwood or David’s family country home in St. Donat. David’s cousin Pema, who lives in Friday Harbor has a nap-worthy couch in her home too.

Do you have a nap-worthy couch or a favourite place to take an afternoon nap? Do you want to join my movement to bring back the afternoon nap? Here is what I need you to do:

Post a photo of your favourite nap spot. Or post a photo of you or someone you know taking a nap in one of your favourite spots. Post the picture on Facebook, tag me on Instagram @AliciaRichler or Tweet me @AliciaRichler
Let’s use the hashtag #BringBackTheNap and let’s start napping!

November 10, 2017November 10, 2017

Maternity Leave is not all that it’s Cracked up to be

I have three wonderful children who are the loves of my life. Like many women, I dreamed of being a mother for many years and consider myself lucky every day that I was blessed with such an incredible family. My third child, Nessa, my little miracle, did not come so easily, and I am thankful every day for her being in my life. I chose to take maternity leave with each of my three children, which I feel is a privilege given to Canadian women. However, while many people see maternity leave as a great benefit, it can also have damaging consequences to a woman’s job and career aspirations.

I also firmly believe that the new expanded parental leave, announced yesterday by the Federal government, will potentially cause further damage to a woman’s career.

Under the current system, a person (or couple) can take a leave from work for a total of 12 months following the birth of a baby (or start that leave up to 8 weeks before the child is born). During that period, a new parent (or parents) qualify to receive up to 50 weeks of employment insurance from the Government of Canada. I believe that comes out to up to $543 per week. Some employers top up pay for some or all of that time as well. Under the expanded leave, a total of 18 months can be taken off, but the financial benefits are not increased (just spread out thinner over a longer period of time).

I want to put the financial benefits of maternity leave aside. What I want to focus on is the job one “leaves” and what happens the next day after a woman has left the workplace to focus on her new baby. This has happened to me three times.

Each time I had a new baby I chose to go on maternity leave from a full-time job. I was at one place of employment when my first two children were born and another organization when my third child was born. As a communications professional, I worked in fast-paced demanding jobs with a lot on my plate. And I loved it. I knew that with the massive workload I had that someone else had to either take over my job or a group of people had to fill in for me while I was away. Life went on and work had to be done whether I was there or not. That’s the case for all women who go on maternity leave.

So, what happens when a woman is away from the office for just a few weeks, a few months, 12 months or now as many as 18 months? As I said, life goes on at work, people fill in and the organization creates a new normal. When my son was born in 2007, I was away for 8 months. When my daughter was born in 2010 I was away for 11 months. And the organization where I was employed went on and my colleagues worked hard and filled in for me.

After my first maternity leave I returned to my same job and went on with my day-to-day responsibilities. In fact, a few months later I even got a promotion. I worked hard and did my best to balance the demands of my job with the needs of my baby. I assumed the same thing would happen in 2011 when I returned to the same job after my second maternity leave.

But I was wrong. The organization where I worked was planning massive changes and a rebranding while I was away, and those changes were implemented weeks after I returned. I was told my job was eliminated.

I had just come off 11 months of maternity leave and had received almost 50 weeks of employment insurance benefits. I did not qualify to receive any more and thought that in Canada there was a system in place to protect young mothers who chose to take a leave from work to care for their young children. Our jobs, we were told, were protected, so that we could go away for a year and return to work. I understood that my exact job did not have to be given back to me but that a job equal to mine had to at least be available to me. It was, for a few weeks, then it was gone. Why? Because if an organization, for or not-for-profit, does a massive reorganization, it is not required to retain women on maternity leave. It is allowed to eliminate those jobs.

I was lucky that I quickly secured another job in 2011, one I loved very much. I received a number of promotions over the next few years, and by 2016, when Nessa was born, I managed a team of people and oversaw many files and projects at the company. While I did not make a final decision on how long I would be away from my job, I knew I wanted to take at least 4-5 months of maternity leave to spend time with my new baby.

When the baby was not quite 3 months old I was informed that my job had been eliminated. This time there was no company reorganization that I knew of. Various people had filled in for me, there was a new normal and they didn’t need me anymore. It didn’t matter that I was respected by my colleagues and made contributions to the organization over the previous five years. Out of sight, out of mind. So what if the Government of Canada had a maternity leave program? My employer didn’t care. My job was gone.

According to some research I found from Statistics Canada, which looked at the increasing maternity leave benefits from 1971 onwards, I read that “one aim of the 2000 amendment was to enable working parents to care for their infant longer and still allow them secure re-entry into employment” It added that “after the extension of parental benefits, all provinces and territories revised their labour codes to give full job protection of 52 weeks or more to employees taking paid or unpaid maternity or parental leave.”

Financial benefits aside, maternity leave was created, in-part, so that women could feel confident that they could walk away from a job to care for a baby knowing their job was secure and protected. But that is not the case. And the longer a woman is away from her job, potentially up to 18 months with the new expanded leave, the less security and protection she has.

If the Government of Canada is going to expand its parental leave program then it also needs to put in place strict rules that protect those parents’ jobs when they choose to take a leave to care for young children. As long as employers can eliminate a job during or soon after a maternity leave then it is not a true benefit. Canadian women need to know their careers can grow and their jobs are secure when they become new mothers and attempt the very difficult task of a balance between work and home. Until that happens, there is no such thing as a true maternity leave.

November 6, 2017November 6, 2017

A Visit with Family in a Special Place

David and I are lucky to have family who live all over the world, from New Zealand to England and Israel to Washington State. We are even luckier that our family has invited us to visit them, stay with them and experience their local culture. We have taken full advantage of our family’s warm hospitality over the years, and we often plan our travel expeditions based on where various members of our family live at any given time. A visit with family is always wonderful, and a visit with family who live in an interesting place is even better.

Matthew, Barbara and I are having a great trip to Seattle, and this weekend we had the opportunity to have a trip within a trip. We spent the weekend in the San Juan Islands. More specifically, we had a visit with family on the island of Friday Harbor. Don’t know where that is? Well, it’s a series of beautiful islands off the coast of Washington State, northwest of Seattle. Look it up on Google Maps. You may want to visit sometime too.

David’s first cousin, Pema, lives on Friday Harbour. She generously hosted us this weekend, along with other members of the family. Pema lives in, what I believe, one of the most beautiful places in the world. On first look at her house it seems like she lives in a treehouse. Her home overlooks the Pacific Ocean, and it’s built on bedrock surrounded by trees. It welcomes you as you approach.

A ferry boat brought us from the mainland to Friday Harbor on Friday morning. I felt an immediate sense of calm as I drove my car off the ferry and into the streets of the island. There are no traffic lights on Friday Harbor, and there’s no need. People are friendly and polite.

A visit with family always begins with warm greetings and hugs upon arrival. A visit with family in Friday Harbor then includes getting cozy on a comfortable couch near the wood stove. That’s what we did. Pema’s house is open concept, and once we found our comfortable spots around the house, we dug in for an afternoon of relaxation. Or at least most of us did.

You see, the other great part about a visit with family is eating with family. David and I are also lucky that we come from families in which food plays a central role in all gatherings. David’s extended family, especially the Hart family, plans all gatherings around food. Much of the conversation is focused on what the last meal was and what the next meal will be, all while eating the current meal.

So, while some of us lazed around on the comfy couches, others, including our host, Pema, planned the meals, prepared the meals and cleaned up too. We enjoyed a wide range of delicacies this weekend, like roast chicken, vegan pot pie, cheeses, black cod, homemade fish cakes and more. And the desserts. Pema’s homemade apple pie and lemon tarts from a local bakery. Wow. I also just snacked on a pain au chocolat from the same bakery that had more dark chocolate loaded into it than any other I have ever tasted. Another wow.

I would love to write that we took full advantage of the great outdoors and scenery around us this weekend, but really, we spent most of our time indoors. It was freezing outside. It even snowed a bit. We took one short walk all weekend, which was pleasant, but it was nice to return to the couch and warm house. And to get ready for more food.

I love to see the world and have a visit with family in some great cities like Hong Kong or London. But I also love a quiet weekend with family in special places like Friday Harbor. The warmth of the wood stove warmed my heart, but so did my time with close family.

November 3, 2017

When in the United States… Go Shopping

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in the United States, go shopping. It’s an activity I always enjoy when I go to the US. I know the exchange rate isn’t great, the prices aren’t that much better than what we find in Canada and we can get many of the same items at home. But still, there is something so exhilarating about walking into a speciality store, a mall or dare I say, a big-box store, when I am in the USA.

This is my third trip to Seattle with my mother-in-law, Barbara. We seem to have fallen into a routine, and shopping plays a role. The first full day of our trip always includes shopping. My heart starts to beat a little faster as I slide into my rental car and head for the stores on my list.

For some Canadians, shopping in the United States is a religious experience (just ask my sister, Darcie). For others, it’s a curse (just ask my sister’s husband, Leigh). And for me, it’s definitely fun and exciting. Somehow, clothes, toys and food always look better when I’m in an American city.

Thursday was our designated shopping day for the newly established Travel Trio. Our first stop: the Apple store. It was a big day for Barbara as she took the leap into the smartphone world. Barbara has had an iPad for a number of years, but she is now the proud owner of the new iPhone 8.

Walking into the Apple store can be an overwhelming experience. As you look around the sea of people and technology, you don’t know where to start. Should you wander around and play with all the tech toys or look for some assistance from a blue-shirted, headset wearing employee?

A kindly looking salesperson approached us and helped Barbara choose her phone and her protective case. In the usual efficient Apple way, the new smartphone suddenly appeared moments later, and in no time the purchase was complete and we were out the door.

After a celebratory coffee and hot chocolate at Starbucks (what’s a visit to Seattle without a few trips to the sacred home of coffee?), we were on our way to Northgate Mall. The American shopping mall always fascinates me. I have shopped at malls around the world, but Americans kick it up a notch with their shopping malls. They pack so much into a relatively small space, with every kind of clothing, shoe, cosmetics, accessories and technology store you can think of.

It took us no time to do some damage all over the mall. Silicone utensils at Bed Bath and Beyond, a micro down coat at Eddie Bauer and sweatpants for Matthew at Macy’s. We checked out shoes at Foot Locker, Xbox One games at GameStop and pyjamas at Old Navy.

We took a break back at Annie’s house, then we were back out to cover more ground. Annie joined us for the rest of the day’s shopping expedition. Our next stop was a vast indoor/outdoor plant nursery that was more than plants. Our mission was to buy a large house plant for Annie’s daughter, Lila. This store sells everything from plants and flowers to stationary, toys and clothes. And the train display. Wow. This is an example of the American store at its best. Did you know that Hans Solo, Wonder Woman, Indiana Jones and Elsa from Frozen all appeared in the same battle scene? Go to Swanson’s and you will see it with your own eyes.

No trip to the United States is complete without a shopping trip to a grocery store. On Thursday evening, we scoped out a small grocery store and picked up some important supplies like cookies, crackers and drinks. Today we went to another one and picked up more fun stuff like local chocolate (always important).

And our shopping expeditions are not over yet. We are enjoying a quiet weekend in Friday Harbor (more on that in another post), but the Seattle Premium Outlets and Uwajimaya are in our future. Those are two very special places. I hope my credit card can handle the pressure.

October 31, 2017October 31, 2017

What’s with Men and Nature Shows on TV?

A few nights ago, late at night, I fell asleep listening to the following words (imagine a perfect British accent), “The eagle eyes it prey. It readies it wings and takes flight.” Or something close to that. I think I was more asleep than awake. The sound of the screeching eagle, or some other angry bird, takes me further out of my deepening sleep. I look over. David is fully unconscious, remote control in his hand. I guess the latest episode in his series of nature shows, about birds of prey, wasn’t that interesting. But there’s always tomorrow night.

Take a look at the shows recorded on our home’s PVR, or personal video recorder, and you will find a theme. About 25% of the content are children’s shows, like Elena of Avalor or Peppa Pig. Another 25% are shows I watch like Madam Secretary or shows our whole family watches like Master Chef. David recorded the other 50%, with titles like:

Borneo’s Secret Kingdom

Wild Nile

The Beginning and End of the Universe

Walking with Dinosaurs

Destination Wild

China’s Golden Monkeys

Do you see a pattern? Nature Shows. Dozens of them. What’s with men and nature shows? Why are they attracted to documentaries about animals eating other animals? I know lions consume antelopes in the savannah (okay I learned that in the 1990’s when I watched Lion King) and about the hunting habits of birds of prey like eagles and owls. But do I need to hear about this every day? Or to be more to the point, is this what I want to hear as I drift off to sleep?

David admits he is a bit addicted to these nature shows. He has learned all about the life cycle of the trees of the Amazon and the increasingly polluted waters of the Nile River. He and countless other males. I am quite sure these documentaries are produced by intelligent people, who spend weeks, maybe months, researching, writing, shooting and editing these shows. But I just can’t bear to watch them.

Do women watch these? Is it just men? Have you ever checked out the commercials that run during nature shows? There are a few too many focused on erectile dysfunction and Viagra. Sometimes there is a commercial about a cleaning product like Oxy Clean, with a man on the screen, or Head and Shoulders dandruff shampoo. And when David channel surfs late at night, looking for one of these shows about animals eating animals, you can bet there will also be commercials advertising condoms or 1-900 number dating services.

Back to the nature shows. Some fathers bond with their sons over sports. They wait for the day when their son is old enough to watch the Stanley Cup Final or game 7 of the World Series. Not my husband. David started showing Matthew shows about the lost monkeys of Brazil or the mating habits of the Siberian Tiger when Matthew was a very little boy. They like to cuddle up together on the couch, late on a Saturday night, often with snacks in hand, and watch their nature shows together. If there is a special on TV about how the Anaconda kills its prey then I know it’s a boy’s night and I should stay far away from the family room.

Do you watch nature shows? Do the men in your life watch nature shows? What do you think of them? Let me know. Leave me a comment here, post your thoughts on Facebook or Tweet me @AiciaRichler.

October 30, 2017October 30, 2017

I am a CEO. Of my House.

It wasn’t my dream to be an executive. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a doctor. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a sports journalist. I also knew that I wanted to be a Mom. Little did I know that one day I would be a CEO – not of a retail company or a non-profit organization, but of my house. That’s right, my house. I am a CEO, the Chief Executive Officer, of my house.

I attained my first executive position at a very young age, on June 25, 1998. It was the day I married David. We moved to France, where David was fortunate to get his first engineering job working with his brother-in-law. We lived in a sweet little house in a small village. I would say that was my first foray into executive leadership. I didn’t have a traditional job, but I worked. I ran my first household. It was a small business, with few needs and demands. But it kept me busy, as I learned how to live away from my parents, how to cook and how to live life with another person.

I was promoted through the executive ranks over the next 8 years, as we moved our home from France to Israel to New York and back to Toronto. I had achieved the title of Senior Vice-President by 2006. In June of that year I learned that I was pregnant with our first child and accepted the role to be CEO of our household. In March of 2007 I was formally installed into my position of CEO – Chief Executive Officer – of my house.

Our family of four, the day we moved out of our old house

CEO — Our excited kids three years ago, on the day we moved into our current house

I will admit the first three paragraphs of today’s post are a bit tongue and cheek. But I am trying to make a point. I really am the CEO of my house. I run a very busy household that includes five members, ranging in age from 1 to 44. Each person has a unique schedule, a unique role and unique responsibilities. And I’m in charge of making sure it all runs smoothly. I strategically consider everything each member of the family needs, and I carefully make plans to achieve success. I am not just a wife and mother – I am the leader of the family. I am the CEO.

Since Matthew was born 10 ½ years ago, I have held this position on a full-time basis, on and off, for just under three years. For the other seven plus years, I have also had a job in the general workforce. But why isn’t CEO of my house on my resume? Am I ashamed of the 9 months I was a full-time CEO of my home when Matthew was a baby, the 11 months when Julia was a baby and year that Nessa was an infant?

I have been a CEO for over ten years and have gained valuable skills during that time. Here is a list of some of them:

I have experience managing people – I currently lead four people
Multi-tasking – I can make dinner, help the kids with homework and tidy the living room at the same time
Budgeting – running a household can be an expensive endeavor, and it is important that funds are available to pay the bills, buy groceries and save for the future
Passion – okay this is not a skill, but it’s something I have. I love my family and am deeply committed to helping them be successful in life
Strategic communication – this skill is key in the successful leadership of a household. Language and tone must be carefully considered every day. Whether it is calming down a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum in a grocery store to a 10-year-old who refuses to go to bed at night, a strategic approach to how one communications can be the difference between success and failure.

Right now, my resume includes many skills and leadership roles of which I am very proud, including my years as a student, as a journalist and a communications professional. Maybe I shouldl add one more section to my “professional experience” – CEO, of my house.