June 2017 – Page 3 – KINETIC MOTIONS

June 6, 2017June 6, 2017

Honk if you’re Angry Part Two

Sometimes I am an angry driver and I believe that it’s not always my fault. A couple of weeks ago I examined a number of reasons why so many city drivers are aggressive and full of rage as soon as they jump behind the wheel of their car. Today I am going to look at a few more, and these, for the most part are the cause of much of my stress as a driver in the city.

Illegally parked or stopped cars on main roads

This is an issue that angers not only me but also his Worship John Tory, the Mayor of Toronto. Traffic is slowed or sometimes comes to a standstill if just one vehicle is stopped on the side of a major city street, in particular at rush hour. It means all cars in that lane need to push their way into the other lane. Often when I am faced with this situation, when the car ahead of me suddenly puts the four-way flashers on and stops in a no-stopping zone, I need to change lanes and hope that the car in the lane next to mine is polite enough to let me in. Usually the person is not so kind.

Large delivery vehicles blocking a side street

Delivering parcels or furniture to homes on small cramped city streets is a challenging job. I don’t doubt that driving around the city in a large vehicle and trying to find somewhere to park that vehicle can be tremendously stressful. However, I am also quite sure that these delivery drivers do not need to turn polite easygoing car drivers into crazy people as we attempt to squeeze past the giant trucks on side streets. If there is parking on only one side of a one-way street, for example, why does the delivery truck have to park on the other side and block the road? My passenger side mirror was once lopped off by one of these said trucks, who easily could have parked on the other side of the street where there were a ton of empty spots. Don’t block the road!

Right of way on a narrow two-way street

Most downtown two-way streets are designed with space for two cars across. That means that cars can drive down the street in both directions, with space for each to drive. If cars are parked (legally parked cars I mean!) on one side of the street it means there is now only space for one car to drive down the street. If the cars are parked on the opposite side of the street than the side I am driving on I believe that I have the right of way. The cars driving in my opposite direction are supposed to wait while I drive by then they are supposed to go around the parked cars once I am out of the way. So why is it that many cars not only don’t wait but I can sense their aggression as they accelerate when they see me and intentionally don’t let me pass – or make me jump onto the curb so I don’t hit them? Wait your turn!

Turning left when the sign says no left turn

I would consider myself to be a law-abiding driver. I stay within a few kilometres of the speed limit, I stop at stop signs and I follow turning signals. When I see a sign at traffic light that states “no left turn between 4-6 pm” and it’s 4:09 pm, I don’t turn left at that light. It’s very simple. I will give a pass to the odd driver who doesn’t notice the sign, signals, waits then realizes and does not turn. I will be angry, however, with the driver who sees the sign, signals, hears the honking horns and sees the line-up behind and turns anyway. These rules are there to help keep traffic flowing even if it is an inconvenience to most of us. Just please follow the signs.

Blocking side streets when sitting in traffic

This one is a bit more complicated but can turn me into an angry driver. Sometimes you are in traffic on a busy street and you can see for blocks ahead that you are going to inch your way forward. Every time you move is exciting and you jump at each opportunity to gain even a foot or two of the road. You approach a side street off to your right and you know that traffic is so slow that you can’t clear this minor intersection. You move ahead those few feet anyway and block the road.

Now I am driving along in the opposite direction and need to turn into said side street. You just can’t bear to wait to move forward those next few inches, so you block me from making my turn. Why can’t you keep the access to the side street clear? Does it slow you down that much to let me through? Now you are still stuck in traffic and I am an angry driver.

Please keep sending me your thoughts, comments and suggestions for what turns you into an angry driver or ways we can all make the roads a less stressful place to drive. And as I had mentioned, coming up soon I will also look at the relationship between cyclists, pedestrians and drivers on our busy roads. Please post your comments here or Tweet me @AliciaRichler.

June 5, 2017

Dads Making Dinner and Moms in the Corner Office

My husband, David, knows how to cook and bake. Well kind of. He can cook eggs any way, his chicken schnitzel is crispy and juicy and he makes the best pie I have ever tasted. He also likes to eat, so when I go away and leave him alone with the children, for the evening, a couple of days or a week I know he and the children will eat.

I don’t know what they will eat, if the house will be clean or when (or if!) the children will go to bed. Somehow, he muddles his way through it all while I am away, the children always have a great time while Mommy is gone and the house is still standing when I return.

Does my husband concern himself with any of this when he goes away? Does he worry if the children will eat a balanced diet, whether or not they will bathe or if they will sleep more than a few hours each night?

I know that in my case the quick and easy answer is no. Without even doing a survey (a simple one or even one that follows the Scientific Method) I am quite sure that the answer is usually no for most families. And this irks me.

When my parents grew up, in the 1940’s and 1950’s, most fathers went out to work in the morning and most mothers stayed at home to run the house and take care of the children. One could logically conclude that the majority of fathers at that time couldn’t put a balanced meal together, didn’t know how to do a load of laundry or turn on a vacuum cleaner.

When I grew up, in the 1970’s and 1980’s, a far larger number of women went off to work in the morning, including my mother, but the responsibility to run the household and care for the children still far skewed towards the mother. My father was incapable of even making a piece of toast, cutting up vegetables or heating up leftovers. I still don’t think my father knows where the power button is on the washing machine though I will give him credit that he does know his way around a mop, broom, vacuum cleaner and bathroom sponges.

The women’s movement was strong in the 1970’s, and many women strived to have it all. They wanted to be leaders in business, entrepreneurs and executives but also have a family. They wanted the ultimate – to find that perfect work-family balance. Many of these women of the 1970’s had families and raised daughters to have the confidence to strive to have it all.

But do we? While it is quite commonplace today that most households are double income, I believe that the majority of the household duties still fall on the mother. While of course there are exceptions and there are some incredible fathers who balance a demanding job and run the household, they are in the minority.

Most women today, who have a career and family, don’t have it all. As I write this post, for example, in the early evening, I am home alone with my three children. My son is watching television, my 7-year-old daughter is playing quietly with her toys and my baby girl is crying and wants to be held and entertained. I still have to cook dinner and put a load of laundry in the machine and somehow I need to write and post my blog and do some other work as I do my best to earn a living. David is an active, caring and doting father and does his fair share around the house, but at the end of the day the children’s and the house’s well-being are my responsibility.

So the answer to the question is simple: do we, women in 2017, have it all? Absolutely not and we will never find that perfect work-family balance. We will do our best to try, as women always do. We will raise our daughters to aim high and dream big. For now, I will carry the baby in the Ergobaby while I make dinner, change the channel on the TV to keep the other two children happy and press publish on this post. It’s the best I can do.

June 5, 2017

What has this World Become?

I returned home safely tonight from a wonderful few days in New York. As I have written in previous posts, I love to travel, and I also try to see the best in every person I meet. Everywhere I have traveled I have come across some of the most kind, friendly, generous people, from New Zealand to Hong Kong to New York to London.

I firmly believe that a large majority of people across the world are just that – kind, friendly and generous. They want to live and raise their children in a world where they feel safe, where they can succeed and where they can love and be loved.

But I am also not ignorant – I know that there are many people in this world who are hateful, angry and murderous. History has shown us just how terrible humanity can be, as millions of people have been killed through the centuries in the name of nationalism, racism and religion.

So why is it any different in 2017? Is it because those of us living in the West felt safe at restaurants and concerts and that false sense of security has been shattered? Is it because we live in a time with mass media, where hatred can be spread quickly and efficiently through the Internet and social media? Or do we see a new kind of fanaticism emerging in our societies, that is rooted in a twisted interpretation of sacred texts?

I don’t have an answer to this question, and I believe this and other questions are on the minds of many people across the world. How can someone blow himself up outside a concert hall that is packed with young girls and women? How can anyone drive a vehicle through a crowd of people enjoying an evening out? How can someone pull out a gun and shoot and murder people dancing at a night club?

These questions often haunt me, and if I allowed it, they would overtake my thoughts. I can’t allow it and I won’t allow it. I am going to focus on the kind, friendly, generous people I have met around the globe who, like me, are trying hard to see the best in everyone. If the majority of people can do that, then in the words of France’s new President, Emmanuel Macron, we can “make our planet great again.”

June 3, 2017

Could it be that New York is a City of Wretched Excess?

I love New York City. I lived in this city for only 18 months, 18 years ago, when I attended graduate school at New York University (NYU), and I miss it every time I leave. There’s something unique and invigorating about the smells, sounds, lights and action of the streets and alleyways. At the same time, I wonder, is it all really just wretched excess?

I would consider myself to be a rather understated person. I usually dress in a relatively simple manner, I wear minimal make-up, I’m not too loud (well most of the time!) and I live in what I believe is an elegant and sophisticated home. I wouldn’t use any of those words to describe New York. This is my first time in NYC in a number of years, and I have finally come to the realization that the most descriptive terms for my beloved city are wretched excess.

This trip is all about my daughter Julia, who asked me many times over the last year for a trip to New York. This weekend we are celebrating her 7^th birthday and we are doing all the various activities that Julia wants to do. A visit to the Statue of Liberty and shopping at the Disney Store in Times Square topped her list (remember she is 7), as well as a Broadway show and Impressionist art at the MET.

We covered a lot of ground on our first full day in the city, as I acted as both guide and tourist with my mother and daughter. I love the hustle and bustle of the city and the activity and commotion at every corner. I don’t think I will ever get used to the pushiness of many of its residents, with their elbows out at the ready to shove me aside as the sea of people attempt to get through a crowded intersection. Sometimes I feel like all of humanity either lives in New York or is also visiting New York with me this weekend.

After our visit to Liberty Island, a ride up to the Statue of Liberty’s pedestal, a walk through downtown to pay our respects at the World Trade Center Memorial, a stop at NYU and Washington Square Park and some of my favourite low quality but tasty Chinese food on Bleecker street, we hopped on the subway to fulfill Julia’s dream to visit the Disney store in Times Square. If you look in the dictionary under “Times Square” I believe you will see the words wretched excess.

Maybe because it was Friday night, maybe because the weather was a perfect 22 degrees Celsius (72 Fahrenheit) without a cloud in the sky or maybe I’m just much older than I was when I lived here. Oh my gosh Times Square was crazy! Between the flashing lights, neon signs, 30-foot high video screens, sirens, music, restaurants, bars, stores, tourists and cartoon characters trying to take a photo with my daughter (for money of course), I was overwhelmed. I say this from a position of being an experienced world traveler and a mother of three.

As we entered the Disney store on Broadway I could see by the look on Julia’s face that she had arrived at her utopia. Merchandise from every Disney movie and TV show, present and past, every prince and princess, hero and villain, were on display, ready to be sold to the child who could beg, plead and whine loudest to his or her parents, grandparents, guardians or unknowing adult who made the error to enter this establishment.

After checking out a few more places and spending too much money on items that all three of us felt we just had to have during a moment of weakness (including a 25,000 square foot M&M’s store) we decided it was time to escape the wretched excess and call it a day. We limped back to our hotel, happy that we survived the madness of Times Square.

I will say it again – I love New York City. It’s wretched excess at its best (or worst), but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

June 2, 2017

Travel with a Smile, a lot of Patience and a Cute 7-Year-Old

“I’m so lucky I get to go to New York. And I get to miss a day of school,” my daughter Julia announced as our plane taxied down the runway and took off for New York City. This weekend we are celebrating a special ladies’ trip with three generations – my mother, me and Julia. It’s a trip I have been planning for quite a while and I’m so glad to be back in New York. The greatest lesson I learned today is to always travel with a smile, a lot of patience and a cute 7-year-old.

Travel is both exhilarating and stressful at the same time. That fluttering in your stomach you feel the night before a trip is something I always look forward to, but I could easily do without the stresses that plane travel can bring. So this morning, as my mother and I went through the paces at Pearson Airport in Toronto we decided on a mantra: travel with a smile, a lot of patience and cute 7-year-old.

A Canadian traveler headed to New York needs to complete many steps at the airport after passing through the terminal doors on the way to strolling onto the plane. I highly recommend to use web check in (we did that) and pack only carry-on bags and travel light (we also did that and avoided the bag drop-off line) to avoid the first set of lines. We swiftly made our way to security and immigration. Armed with our Nexus cards we approached the first security check, where we smiled, said hello and pushed the cute little 7-year-old in front of us.

On we went, to get each of our carry-on bags x-rayed. We took our time as we pulled out our collection of electronics (not much this time, with only a laptop and two iPads), carefully placed our items on the conveyer, smiled at the security team and walked through the metal detectors, with a smile. A serious-looking security screener pulled most of our bags aside and started to go through them. We stayed calm, started some small talk, smiled and again put the cute 7-year-old in front. The screener smiled back, closed our bags and wished us a good day.

We continued this practice as we worked our way through the Nexus area of immigration and customs where Julia even got a photo with the Statue of Liberty, as we boarded the plane and when we de-planed. We exited at the wrong place to find the shuttle to take us to our Lyft taxi, but we took our time, kept smiling and found our way. The friendly concierge at the hotel check-in desk appreciated our patience as she rebooted her computer, our relaxed and smiling faces and also our cute 7-year-old travel companion. She upgraded us to a beautiful large room on the hotel’s 30^th floor, and as we arrived in said room, dropped our luggage and finally had a chance to relax we knew our mantra worked – travel with a smile, a lot of patience a cute 7-year-old.

Our first day in New York was magical, with an early dinner at Alice’s Tea Cup, a stroll through Central Park and of course a bit of shopping. I didn’t realize until tonight how much I missed this city. I only lived here for 18 months, what seems like a lifetime ago, and I’m so glad to be back, to show my daughter my New York, and to share it with my mother too.